Look, for the most part we are all the same. There are some basic needs and desires that just come along with being human. At some point we get hungry and thirsty. Somewhere at some point and time we get sleepy. (Glances at watch, 3:35 am). And I would venture to say that at some point we all need to feel a special love and affection from someone else. I do not accept a loveless childhood as an excuse for violent crimes, rape, or murder; but how many times do we have to hear it to recognize the relationship between the lack of love and the degradation of morals and character??!!
This, in my mind, is where I break from most. Not because my conclusions are elusive but because oft times we fail to carry logic to its logical conclusions. I believe that the lack of love affects a person in different ways based mostly on stage of life and ever so slightly on the relationship that lacks the love. I'm getting a little off topic here but let me clear a few things up before I proceed.
In defense of my stage of life argument, I offer this. If a mother shows no love to her child (there are mothers like that), its detrimental to a baby and harmful to the adult child. Detrimental and harmful are two very different things even though they both would be stemming from the same relationship...ahhhh.
As far as the "ever so slightly based on the relationship".... Relationships are not casual. Think about any relationship you have, I will wait a minute........see? Did you think about someone who wasn't important? No....no you didn't. To realize that there is a deficit of love in any of those situations would be extremely painful. Whether its a best friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse,.some might be more extremely painful than the other, but they would all fall within the realm of extremely painful..(wipes brow).
I'm wordy tonight...this morning. Sorry, I just want to be clear.
I said all if that to get here. If you're like me, and we are alike in many ways, sometimes in order to avoid that extreme pain we turn a blind eye to the facts that would lead is to the conclusion that we are not loved in any particular relationship. We all like to talk about what I would do if....and say "I woulda", we even talk about how dumb someone is to stay with the other person....let's be completely honest. "To thine own self be true". We have all been in some relationship where we just didn't want to see it, just couldn't believe it, thought they expressed it wrong, thought they didn't know how to, thought we could break through the barrier just to find that love. On the flip side of that, we have all felt that pep in our step, floated across a room, or simply thanked God for bringing that special person around. We know what it is to be in love with someone.
What we all need to realize that when in love, we all get dumb, optimistic, touchy-feel, and just plain silly at times. As that new love fades, or the love matures it turns into a commitment to the well-being of each other if its really love. No, no, it doesn't stay the same...but it stays there. It stays noticeable. It's not hidden under routine days. It grows and matures. It feeds off of successes and uses failure to build up the strength if the root system. It stays as a prevalent if not the prevalent theme of the relationship.
For all the things we know, ( I am included), when its not firing on all cylinders, or advances are being turned away, or invitations are being rejected, or plans are being tabled, or the relationship status can receive no conversation, or there is no forgiveness, patience, kindness, or affection, or there is no respect, trust, decency, or there is no effort or recognition ....why is it the first thing we say is " I don't see it, I don't believe it, they just show it in a different way,.....see previous list. Love doesn't do those things. Nobody is perfect, people will make mistakes, but none of those things, in any sizable amount, show love. That's not how a true relationship is maintained. There is no love intertwined inside of constant rejection and disrespect. There are no embraces floating around an ignored display of love and admiration. There is no misletoe for kisses hanging all over the bringing up of past mistakes. Tearing someone down has never been a way to build someone up.
If we are all the same, I believe we are, and though its painful, we have to accept that if a relationship resides in the aforementioned list, maybe they care, but the truth about it is, maybe they just don't love you.
It's not the end of the world, its the beginning of a new chapter. It's easy reading if you think about it.
