My Heart Is Broken

I remember watching this eerie movie where the main character was fighting against a body-jumping force. He was able to identify the carrier but just as he was about to do away with it (them) the force would jump into someone else. I don’t remember all of the details, but there was one scene where he was standing on the streets of a major metropolis and all of the people were walking down the sidewalk. The force was getting into people at an accelerated rate because there were so many people close to each other. He would zero in on the foe and as he made his way towards them he would realize that the person passing him by was the new host. It was crazy and a little scary. Anyway, as usual…this ‘got’ me to thinking…

I began to wonder how it would feel to have to fight an enemy that inhabited different people and changed so fast that I couldn’t tell who the enemy actually was. I tried to get in touch with how I would feel or survive with that many different possible hosts passing me by. How would I know who to attack? Who was regular and just looked possessed? Who could I pull out of the crowd and help me fight? It’s funny (a little), but if I go back to the days when we were group fighting, I realized that the best vantage point was one where my back was close to a wall. That way I only had to defend three sides and not four. I could see whoever was approaching and had time to prepare for whatever I had to do. What would be-----Hey wait a minute…I have already been there before.  As a matter of fact, most of us have already been fighting that same battle in one way or another. Me? I just got my water, some Vaseline on my face, and a word from my trainer. I don’t know what round it is or how I look, but evidently I have been getting my a$& whooped.

Before you get any worries concerning my well-being, I’m ok. Now that I have a moment of clarity I realize that this is what I expected from my opponent. I don’t know about anyone else but when I pick my fights, I try to at least pick an opponent who will make me work for it. I hate to see a match where one person has clearly picked an opponent who isn’t up to the challenge. That being the case, I know what is happening; I know who this is. It’s not a strange knock at the door or anything. It’s just my old partner stopping by to make sure that I haven’t forgotten who they were and all the rounds we suffered through.

I swear that heartbreak jumps into different people just like that force did in the movie. Every time I think my enemy has revealed their true identity to me and I go in for the kill, it is at that moment when I realize that it has jumped into someone else. Heartbreak is a little worse though because not only does it jump into people, but if you don’t watch it closely it can actually jump into things like your job, car, home, and finances. Not certain, but I believe that there have been times where multiple persons and things were all hosts at the same time. It might have been just my mindset at the time, but I swear everything had become infected. It’s all complicated by the fact that there are no walls in life for my back to be shielded; there are only see-through ceilings that let me check out what could be going on while they are keeping me from it (a new blog!).

There are three basic thoughts that I have on this and I feel somewhat helpless because there is not a lot that I can offer in terms of how-to-deal. The first thing is that everyone has to identify their own enemies. I can’t say whether it’s your friends, job, lover(s), car…etc. I wish I could help people figure it out but here is a little bit of assistance. If you can get quiet enough, you will be able to hear what is causing the most snaps in your heart. I find that in most cases heartbreak happens over time with a series of structurally devastating disturbances. Rarely is it just one samurai sword chop because those don’t hurt. The second thought is to say make sure you have a method of recoupling. You may need needle and thread, stitches, or even a stapler. Whatever it is, just make sure you have a way to quickly get your heart back together while the true mending happens.

My third thought deserves to stand alone. It is to my heartbreak and the person or place who is carrying the force at any particular time. And this is the truth if I never spoke it before….

---Bring it.