All Is Fair

All is fair in love and war right? No. That’s one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Sounds like someone was trying to justify some mess. When someone loves you it is completely unfair to recognize that and purposefully do things to hurt them. And regardless of how we prosecute wars at this point in history, you are actually supposed to kill everyone until the other people surrender. So how silly is it to pick who you shoot and leave the survivors to rally? Who cares about the women and children? The world does…that’s why that quote makes no sense to me. All is not fair in either one of those things. So this ‘got’ me to thinking….

---I fully understand that you might not agree with me but I stand by my statements. I am NOT talking about anything physical whatsoever---

I’ll tell you when all is fair. When you are FIGHTING! Before you get any ideas let me make myself clear. I’m talking about when you are in a relationship and it finally gets to that point. You know when after a long time and a lot of things have happened that last little stupid thing just gets it popping. That’s when the fight starts in earnest. See all of the side comments and hints were only the pushing before the blows. Again, I’m NOT talking about physical blows or hitting in a literal way. I’m talking about when that button is pushed and it’s time for some verbal furniture moving. At those points in our lives, that is when we can finally get some of that rage out of our inner being. When the two parties actually love each other, they know that during the fight it’s all going to come out. They both recognize the battle and actually need to let off some steam so that the burden of hurt can be removed. Those are the best and only times in a relationship, to let it all hang out there because there is a fight going on. That is when you can, without fear of retribution, say all of the horrible things that you have been thinking. There are no rules in fighting.

I said all of that to show how that course of action is just as dumb as the quote I started with. I also said that because that’s something that most people can identify with. Most of us are guilty of bottling hurt and anger until that moment when we unleash. It is at that precise moment where our actions become unfair to the other party.

It is not possible for any person to weather the storm of bottled up hard feelings. If we are honest about it, most people have a hard time even listening to one thing at a time. So is there really any good in investing in the expectation of someone to sit and be railroaded by things that should have been discussed when they happened? No. Issues should be discussed in an appropriate yet time sensitive manner so that they do not blend and mesh with other issues that are sure to come. We all stand a better chance of having resolution and closure if we calmly approach issues one at a time while it can reasonably be called a current event. Notice I said a better chance and not a good one. People still don’t want to listen.

 The truth about it is, “all is fair” are three words that shouldn’t be anywhere in close proximity to love, war, or fighting.