I was sooo tired the other day! After a couple straight weeks of being on the road, packing up and moving, and finally making it back to a cluttered home, I was trying to figure out where to get the strength from. Not to perform the menial tasks in life, but to deal with the complete crap of other people…. For some reason, my frail moments attract crap like the Middle East attracts American intervention (always and for no apparent reason). So of course this ‘got’ me to thinking…..
When do I get to pass the baton? Can’t I just get the next runner to pick up the race for a minute and let a brother receive some nourishment of some sort? Please?? I respond with a quote from 2 year olds all over the world, “NO!”. There is no help, there is no other runner (pause for clarification: There may be one who runs beside of you as in a life partner, but even still you run your race alone. If the two of you actually swap batons, everything would crash and burn…I promise). Anyway, as I was saying, there is not really a lot of help during this race. Furthermore, it would be too hard to work in tandem because of all the different paces and cramps and change of shoes and injuries and bunions and blisters and charlie horses and potty breaks. This is where the mind of the maniac comes in. (evil laughter)
I may have some help to those of you who sometimes feel like I do. A plan. Something simple. It’s revolutionary. It’s fool proof. A sure winner. All you have to do is understand the different sides of yourself. Yes you have different sides. No you’re not crazy. Yes you can learn yourself. No you don't have split personalities. Yes you can assign a name to your other selves. No, don’t let anyone know that “they” actually have names.
If I knew you personally, I would be able to break this concept down in terms that would fit your life like a tailor made suit, but since I don’t, I will publicly crucify myself for YOUR benefit. Ok, go with me now. Gonna keep it short and simple.
In the beginning of this blog, I talked about being tired of traveling, packing up and moving, making it back to a dirty house, and listening to crap. That’s at least 3 different sides of me. The worker (traveling). The regular guy (packing, moving, dirty house). The crap attractor (self explanatory). Let’s just call them James, Jonathan, and French in that order.
As the administrator of the group of 3, (which officially makes 4!), it becomes my tall order to maintain some sense of normalcy and smoothness in transition for and from the different individuals. Most days will require the appearance of each member of the group. Here is a typical day.
Eyes open. The administrator slowly approaches the outside world to see who must start. Jonathan makes it into the game. He is slightly out of shape, but the job must be done. He, in horror, slowly looks about his dwelling…then the telephone rings. James springs into action and with the most relaxed voice possible says, “Hello”. He talks about business for way too long. He is winded. Jonathan subs for James and begins to vacuum the floors and explore growths in the fridge. Phone rings…In comes James. His rest was short but meaningful. He banters on about music while simultaneously checking his to do list. He sees expenditures and bills, but it’s ok, everyone has bills. He runs errands. He admires his very fancy phone. He gets on line on it. He plays poker on it. He checks his bank account on it. French rushes in from the sideline….the administrator panics! He didn’t ask to sub. The others are stunned and frozen in midstride. The robotic voice of the not so heavenly bodiless voice has fouled and imposed on the cohesion of the team! French wreaks havoc on the playing field. He curses and figuratively throws things around. He even cheats. He impersonates the others and tricks people into approaching. He tires. Jonathan subs for him after his collapse. It’s night. James is tired and has a big day ahead tomorrow.
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