Claim It All

In the age of all this prosperity preaching, I imagine that this title would lead a lot of people to believe that I was about to give the battle cry of claiming something in the name of Jesus…nope. I take issue with any mass instruction except for things like fasting, reading the bible, praising the Lord,etc. When it comes to telling a bunch of people to claim the beneficial things of life WITHOUT having intimate knowledge of their life and times, you just might be setting someone up to claim something they are not ready for…(Oh great initial thought forgive me for straying far from thee)

I was thinking of claiming it all because I happened to see another American wearing a confederate flag on his hat. I live in North Carolina and it is a sight that is fairly common. It’s always some wanna be rough looking white guy or some girl who acts as if she’s not expecting some black person to start in on her….it’s usually the darting eyes that give her away. Of course there is that one group of them who you can’t quite tell whether it’s a man or woman because they have that short in the top, long in the back haircut and an extremely wide body…oh yeah and a wallet. Either way it puts me in a weird place to see it. Some days I pity the fool; other days I just want to slap them like they used to do in old black and white movies when someone was out of control.

More than anything else, my issue is with the selective claiming of horrid worldly events. When is the last time anyone saw an acceptable Nazi sign? How about rocking a 9/11 shirt in support of Islamic history. I have never seen rack of baseball hats with Vietnam rocks, nor have I seen t-shirts for the Tuskegee Experiment in support of science. The only outward sign of disrespect that even comes close is when the younger people hang their butts out of pants that are made solely for the purpose of covering your a*$.

My deal is to say; Claim it all. Don’t just claim a war fought for the soul of this nation because of the sore loser syndrome. You know the syndrome that causes the loser to pout and gloat and hold to the point that led to complete destruction and submission. Maybe this is news to some people, but the confederacy was crushed. Their point was lost. Their way of life was bowled over…They said “uncle”.

To still wear or display that relic of evil does not celebrate heritage in any way. How do you celebrate knowing that your ancestors were killed or quit while receiving the most thorough pelting to have been handed out from one military to the other? I mean I see that symbol and I wonder where the self- esteem of a person is who has to hold on to a loss to have meaning in life.  When we study the Nazis, we see the defeat of Hitler.  When we think about 9/11 we remember two wars and the death of Bin Laden. Vietnam is a black eye for most people so we only hear about helping the veterans. No one hardly knows about the Tuskegee experiment because of how unbelievably cruel it was. When we think about the Civil War we think about a bunch of racists and secessionists who had to tap out of the fight. We are forced to think about people who fought against freedom and liberty for all. Funny how these are the same people who cry out and scream for freedom and liberty now. I guess there isn’t a noose or chain long enough to reach up to the president so they are left holding a fear of the coming retribution. Maybe they don’t feel that way, but it sure felt good to type the possibility.                                                                

But if you are truly proud of that heritage then where is the other stuff? Just that group alone could boast about trapping slaves in Africa, driving the Indians along the Trail of Tears, the slaughter of countless Arabs, the killing of thousands of Japanese citizens, the arming of Bin Laden himself, and the killing of citizens of the future United States of America. They could also lay claim to rape of slaves, lynchings, beatings, and unfair voter laws. But if you let them tell it there is not a more “patriotic” group… Some people don’t know what a patriot is. History of a people is something you either learn and accept, or learn and reject. There is nothing wrong with celebrating history worth celebrating, but if you are going to claim the confederacy then the truth about it is, you should just claim it all.

Obama #44 At a Glance

Ever since POTUS #44 graced 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue with his presence, he has been the subject of attack after attack, lie after lie and scheme after scheme. I remember being taught that the President of the United States was the highest elected office that one U.S. citizen could hold. The position itself demanded the utmost respect and anyone holding that office had an obligation to set an example to and for the free world. To be completely honest, somewhere along the way I picked up the notion that if you were a really bad citizen then the President had the power to squash you on demand. I also thought there was a big red button for the nuclear launch, the oval office smelled like eggs, and that certain super powers were granted to him upon election. I mean we were talking the president of the entire world as far as I was concerned.  It was made to seem such a powerful position that, as a youth, I heard motivational speakers and teachers say, “You can be the President one day”, and even then it seemed to be much too much of a daunting task.

Now here we are in the election year of 2012. Since January 2009 we have been served by Barack Hussein Obama, the first Black American President (associate black with American or President). Since this is an election year there will be times where his challengers offer arguments to dissuade, suppress, and/or sway his supporters. Everyone in those situations needs to know at least some of the facts about this President, policies, and trifling lies that will be told. Here are some. Try to remember a few in case you need them.

Obama funds abortion- The Hyde amendment is the law that governs and regulates federal funds and abortion. It has been attached to various laws since 1976. It was the first legislative accomplishment against abortion and in response to Roe vs. Wade. Barack Obama has done nothing to discard or change the amendment.

Illegal Immigration- the Obama administration, while stressing immigration reform, has these two facts on the matter. 1) Immigration and Customs enforcement (ICE) reports that the removal pace of criminal aliens FY (fiscal year) 2007- 291,060 FY 2008- 369,221 FY 2009- 389,834 FY 2010- 392,862. 2) Center for Immigration Studies/ Pew Hispanic Center- 2007 12.5 million illegal immigrants 2010 11 million….not including deportations for the latter parts of 2010 and all of 2011.

Taxes- The current tax rate on upper income individuals (35%) is 50% of the tax rate (70%) when Ronald Reagan took office. It fell to 28% in 1988, and climbed up to 39.6% in 1993. The top tax bracket starts at $379,150 for a couple and $189,575 for married couples filing separate. (A lot of coins)

A few accomplishments: Ordered force to save hostages from pirates, secured $20 billion from BP to renew gulf coast, brought troops home from Iraq, passed healthcare reform, created Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, aided in removal of Khadafy, FINALLY got Bin Laden, rescued the auto industry, presided over 22 consecutive months of private sector job growth, allowed gays to serve in the military (after studies and polls), signed equal pay for women law, decreased our dependence on foreign oil, increased manufacturing jobs, increased funding for veterans, cut taxes for the middle class, listened to Sarah Palin, embarrassed Donald Trump, tolerated Eric Cantor, and NOT had a sex scandal. And he did all of that with a congress who refused to work with him and filibustered every bill. He has actually accomplished more than that, but these are just quick facts.

If we have any sense of the American Exceptionalism that the republicans talk about then the truth about it is, there is not a lot that can be done to prevent Obama getting re-elected in 2012.

Y'all Gone Make Me Lose My Mind

I already know…”Up in here! Up in here!” Shouts out to DMX; you already know how to find, listen, and purchase that song (don’t sue me dude). It’s funny because I imagine that everyone reading this probably had that same first thought. It’s also funny that those words and lyrics cross over racial groups and ethnicities because they are so catchy yet threatening. That would mean that aside from the cool older people and the naughty kids who listened to inappropriate music, that’s basically a generational type of saying. Just like when I play ‘My Girl’ for a group of 40 to 70 year olds and everybody rushes to the dance floor like ants to a forgotten picnic. Doesn’t matter what color the people are; it’s always the same thing. What that really means is that there are certain things that most people in a contained cultural generation are exposed to.

I guess my question becomes: Why is it always a song or a sitcom? The knowledge that most often permeates between people in the same generation is entertainment…that is one of the worse things I have ever typed. On one hand it is nice to know that my profession (musician) is so powerful that it can cross cultures and ethnicities, but on the other hand it is a shame that we only allow entertainment to cross those lines. Very rarely do we pass things such as morals or behaviors or beneficial characteristics along those same paths. It cannot be said that we, as a society, never passed down those things, but it can be said that we the rate at which we continue to pass these things is rolling down the chart like a cartoon snowball.

I am 35 years old (I was told that I wouldn’t make 22- sorry security guard). The generation before me would end at about 64 or 68 years old. I can really only speak to the life and times of those generations. I know people who came before the latter generation and they have long since made it to the halls of wisdom and celebration. The people that are behind my generation are too little to do anything as of yet. So right now today the only generations who can actually get things done are mine and the one directly in front of me. That is where the bulk of the responsibility lies.

Some people are not going to like this. I am aware of that and I encourage you to offer ideas to the contrary.

The generation before me is responsible for the acceleration in our slide to moral decay. That is just how it is. That is the generation known as the Baby Boomers. We love them. They are our parents, aunts, uncles, and some even grandparents. But this is also the generation responsible for filing lawsuits to take prayer out of school, denting the ritual of weekly church visits, functionally using drugs, and breaking the sound barrier on the way to divorce. It is the same generation that made making money at all costs the only way to get ahead, and also made blowing money as fast as humanly possible the way to disperse it. The generation that broke from “our” to “my”. There are other things that happened but I think I have made it pretty clear what I mean.

We have all been witness to the effects of the implementation of the policies and behaviors. We have increased illness, abuse, broken homes, suicides, corruption, violence, etc… We, as an entire nation, have stood idly by while the moral fabric of America has been ripped in an ugly fashion like a price tag on the box of a Christmas gift.  We have seen the discipline and respect that once resided in our schools fly out of the window with the vapors from the toxic chemicals that our schools are built on because someone wanted to lease the land to make money and lied about previous site details. At present we watch the fight between helping our most unfortunate citizens and increasing the wealth of the super- rich so that they may decide to spend enough money so people can possibly work.

My generation fairs no better under scrutiny. Because we were spoiled when the Baby Boomers achieved a decent amount of wealth, we are the complainers and not the doers that we should be. We have seen the mistaken policies implemented and been victimized by systems that are outdated or that we never took time to understand. With 20/20 vision we see the slide, maintain silence, and turn in on ourselves as if it all won’t come crashing down if we don’t look at it. Many times it is my generation that makes the most noise about a given situation and does the least amount of work to change it. Partly because we don’t want to expend the energy and partly because we are spoiled by the powers that be, (baby boomers) and they will see it as acting out instead of standing up.

We all have a responsibility to the people that will come behind us. Sure everyone wants to leave money and wealth to help out, but there are other things that are valuable as well. Character, a smidgeon of integrity, a little grit and determination, a splash of fairness, and a firm foundation in religion will fill in any gaps that are left in the dispersing of your estate. We can begin to slow the rate of digression if we begin to take advantage of being able to get information passed through the generation. If we can push songs and sitcoms, I feel quite confident that we can distribute fibers of moral strength.  Y’all gone make me lose my mind, but the truth about it is, if we don’t get it together we will look back and realize that we all lost our minds a long time ago.

I'm Not from Africa

One major shout out to everyone who believes that African in the category African-American means that I have some affiliation with, have been to, or know anything else about that continent. The broadcast flurry of beautiful wildlife and starving children--- pause right there--- Please stop showing me images of children who are sooo sickly, laying there seeming to pass away before the end of the commercial. Then there is always someone standing there saying I can help with a dollar or two. But it gets worse when they want to send me a picture (blinking). I wouldn’t know them to challenge the mug shot. That could be anybody on a picture from Africa! That is not to say that the situation is not that bad, or the people of Africa don’t need help because they DO! I just believe that the charities would have a better chance showing graphs and charts and not ruining my late night snack. Anyway…I was trying to say that it is weird how to some people my racial category sets me apart in more ways than one…now this really got me to thinking.

As always you may completely disagree with the things I am about to say. That’s fine. I just have to call it as I see it.

I have to ask myself one question. Did the fight to become classified as African American help out any? I guess it depends on what result was desired. If there was a desire to recognize ancestral roots and soften the blow of the term “negro” then it was a great win. If the desire was to place a permanent tag of inequality on an entire race and culture then it was also a win. Now before anyone fires off a mark of stupidity or shouts my ignorance from the mountain tops, let me explain my thoughts.

This all goes back to my theory of aiming low. Actually it came from my father. Now my grandfather was heavily involved in the Civil Rights Movement. He is named in the archives of Martin Luther King Jr. for the work that he did. (Edgar Nathaniel French 1921-1979). That means that my father was very close to the movement. As inconsistent as it may sound, my views on this subject came from a talk that my father and I had about cars. He told me that when I went to buy a car to go for the one that is loaded with the extras. Go for the top of the line. If you can’t get that car then switch to a slightly lower overall make and model of car and get that car all loaded out with the extras. Basically he was saying don’t go for anything but the best of whatever you are getting.

Since the whole fight for civil rights in America has been about reaching some type of equality, I’m not sure that labeling any citizen with the prefix of a separate continent is anyway to get it. The aim may have been too low on this one. Maybe the fight should have been to drop all racial labels completely. Maybe one of the stipulations should have been that the classification of any race in America would illegal. I doubt if any employer has ever looked at an application, saw that box checked, and gone into a trance daydreaming about the conquests and royalty of African kings and queens. I really doubt it. When no one can motivate by relevance, youth are often instructed to hold their heads up and stick their chests out because they come from kings and queens in Africa. I do understand that to be true. I guess I take issue with that statement being used for that purpose because the generally accepted route of the human race states that we all came directly out of Africa and migrated to other areas. We all came from African kings and queens. We all should take pride in that and learn the history…I mean the whole world. We ALL came out of Africa (research is something serious). Besides, that is much too far away for most children to grasp; especially when, a lot of times, the only home they have ever known is broken and around the corner. Newsflash: You must have pride in yourself before you can be taught to accept and display pride in a complete group of people with questionable self-esteem at best.

Changing the categories of race now would do nothing for the current situation because everyone is and has been operating under the current system for our whole lives. But I do have to wonder where we would have been  in American society if we had gotten rid of race categories back in the 50’s or 60’s. I don’t believe that the prefix African turned out to be what it was expected to be. It does provide recognition, but it also provides unnecessary stigmata in situations. Since being called African American is what was fought for and pushed socially, the people living today will probably not be around to know what it is to be just an American in classification. The aim was low and self-serving. A certain segment of the population wanted everyone to know that “we “were proud of our roots and “we” demanded national recognition of those same roots. The truth about it is, you will often regret hitting your target if you aim too low.

I Like When You Hold It Tight

Now you just nasty!! Lol! (it’s a JOKE people!) I’m sending this one out to a demographic that I can probably not claim. I can only hope that it reaches a few people in that group and the knowledge can spread. A major shout out to the lady who reminded me of this. She shall remain nameless because I do not know her. I don’t know her and she doesn’t know me. I looked at her a few times to make sure, and we definitely do not know each other. Over the course of my life I have seen many women like her though. Come to think of it, I see women like her everywhere.

I’m talking about that lady who sees me as she walks in to anywhere U.S.A. and immediately clutches her purse as if it is the Arc of the Covenant and the devil himself is behind her with a sledge hammer and a blowtorch. It’s the lady that pretends to look straight ahead while looking at me sideways with large, horrified, Red Riding Hood just saw that grandma was a wolf eyes. I’m older now so I can say all of those things. As a younger man I was shocked and actually saddened to realize that my presence alone would cause certain people to grab their purse like that or make it a point to push down a lock on their car door when they just could have discreetly pushed the button that says “LOCK”.

Seriously though, it’s sickening. It is offensive. It is stupid. In a weird kind of way, it’s the reason that the same people are the victims of petty robberies in those situations. That attitude and behavior creates a feeling of resentment towards the people that harbor the same characteristics, thus causing targeting of the same population. What I’m saying is, if you act scared you WILL either become a target or cause someone else who, in general looks like you and acts like you to become one.

There are a lot of people in the world. I’m not sure of the exact number…somewhere around 7 billion. I always tell myself this: If I even think about it, there is at least one person who would do it. So when you clutch a purse tight or lock a car door or walk so fast that your heels break, and I think about taking a purse or scaring someone…there is a person who would actually do that if they were in my shoes. I wouldn’t, but based on my “fact” somebody would. I just hope that those two individuals are never in the same place at the same time.

I would launch into a discussion of how to actually carry yourself in scary places and the benefits of learning self-defense or the signals that victims give off, but it is not my business to tell people how to live. I just want to tell the truth about a few things. It’s up to people whether they want to accept it or not. And though it may seem a bit callous, I have grown to like when I can intimidate people; it’s a type of power rush. The truth about it is, and I would tell all of them… I like it when you hold it tight.

Quit Praying

This is NOT blasphemous in any way whatsoever. I just wanted to put that out there to relieve any doubts or concerns. In my humble opinion, prayer is one of the most powerful weapons that a believer can possess. There are many who doubt the effectiveness of prayer. They doubt for various reasons…maybe it didn’t work out right, maybe that special person passed away anyway, maybe after opening their eyes the situation was worse…whatever the reason, there are those who don’t believe. Based on my previous statements there are two points here. The first point is that this is not for non-believers; I will select a more general topic at another time (sorry). Prayer is a weapon; proper use of any powerful weapon requires training.

Sidebar: I immediately have two thoughts anytime I think of training: Denzel Washington hazing that new officer on the movie “Training Day” and Mr. Miyagi teaching Daniel-san to wax on and wax off.

Back on track… As I stated before, I believe that prayer is a powerful weapon, and proper use of any weapon requires training. In order to get where I’m going we need to examine the training aspect of using this weapon. Preparation for the use of any powerful weapon requires at least three general areas of expertise. You must 1.) be able to physically accomplish the use of the weapon. You must 2.) be mentally equipped to bear the consequences of the use of the weapon. You must 3.) have repetition or experience firing the weapon. Since most of us can bend our knees and close our eyes(answers no.1), are praying for what we feel is right (answers no.2), and cumulatively pray a lot (answers no.3)…there has to be something else to examine.

One of the most overlooked parts of training is the part where progress is monitored and processed. That’s the part where you are not actually doing any training. Maybe it’s rest time, or maybe it’s demonstration time, or it might even be time off. Either way, there is much value when during the training process you are not actually training. Muscles need to repair themselves. Minds and souls need momentary peace and meditation. Strategies must be derived. Corrections must be made.

Because prayer is a lifetime event, training for its use lasts a lifetime. The time spent monitoring progress and assessing growth is actually the time where we see whether or not our prayers have been answered. Many times, in the midst of our prayers, the answer is or has already been presented to us.  The continuation of redundant prayer (training) is less likely to be because of a failure of prayer (training), and more likely to be because of an unwillingness to accept an answer that we did not want. The repetition or experience praying will, over time, be beneficial in the use of the weapon, but since the ultimate determining factor does not belong to the pray-er, if extra reps are required they will be ordered by Him. God heard you the first time. He will listen every time you pray the same prayer, but maybe if you quit praying and look to see if He answered, it is possible to move on to another aspect of your training.

When you pray for someone to treat you right and they belittle and disrespect you, your answer is right there. When you pray for a better job and you remain in place, your answer is there. When you pray for increase and decrease jumps on your back, your answer is there. When you pray for someone to love and no one is remotely interested, your answer is there. It could be because you are not ready for increase. You might not be healed sufficiently to accept a new relationship. A new job may not be in your future (see story about using talents wisely). Your answer may just be to find someone else who will respect you and treat you right. The truth about it is, if you quit praying and look around, your prayers may have already been answered.

You Can't Handle the Truth

When I was in college (for the first time), no, no, no, before I went to college (for the first time), we had an orientation session. Most of us were just really getting away from our parents for the first time, and we had a BLAST!!  We cut up for the whole time. We stayed up all night, we ran through the hall, people smoked and drank…we were in college (for the first time).

One night we got out of hand and stuck the fire hose in the stairwell door. Stupid right? Right. The water flooded the 5^th floor, which flooded the 4^th floor, which flooded the 3^rd floor, and that wet a lot of the second floor. People lost a lot of stuff that week including clothes, food, radios, televisions... it was horrible. We all got in trouble in the meeting that followed the incident. Each hall was called to meet in front of their respective elevator…except the 5^th floor. The officials told us that they would find out who did it and that if they weren’t able to they would nullify our acceptance to the university indiscriminately. At that moment one of the guys stepped up and told the officials that he would say who committed the watery devastation. As the one actual security guard smiled and offered praise and thanks to the first time college student, the student screamed, “You can’t handle the truth!!!” I mean he said it just like the movie clip from A Few Good Men. It’s the one where Jack Nicholson said it. That, at the time, had to be one of the funniest experiences I had ever been a part of. Partly because of the look on the face of the officials, partly because it was so unexpected and unbelievable, and partly because he was not going to name names. We all slapped hands and laughed till we cried…everyone came back in the fall.

That quote has been voted one of the most memorable quotes of all times. I just looked it up. That explains why every so often my mind wanders off and I hear it in the distance. In the movie he (Jack) was telling a lawyer that he really didn’t want to know what actually happened...so of course this “got” me to thinking…..

You could probably take that quote, write it on a piece of tape, and strap it across the forehead of every human that has ever lived and breathed (except Jesus). I mean if we think about it, even those of us who have supposedly “matured” to the point where we demand blunt honesty, cringe and wiggle when the cold hard truth runs down our back like an ice cube with little needles on it. (lol...some people are mad already) The truth, the thing that everyone strives for, searches for, longs for, will hit you in the face like a recently fired cannonball; especially when it’s about you.

If it is human to err, it must be super-human to hear about it. The question becomes; how do you expect to better yourself? If we were actually able to achieve perfection, it would only be because we were guided by experiences, advice, and the truth. Because the path to perfection runs directly through improvement, there is no way around the truth on a path to becoming a better person. And because we should all be trying to be better people, we will from time to time have encounters with the truth.

We ramble through life taking actions and making decisions. Sometimes the results of those actions and decisions only affect us. They are little self-contained things that leave behind little collateral damage. The majority of the time, every action and decision we make has some bearing on another party. The actions we take and the decisions that we make are perceived in different ways. Sometimes they know exactly what we meant. Other times something gets lost in the transmission.

It is at those times where the you can’t handle the truth thing comes in. It becomes difficult to accept the negative impressions of what we have done and said negativity was not the intention.  We could always blame the other person for not listening or not understanding, or maybe even for being too stupid. Sometimes that actually is the case. I would say that more often than that we just don’t want to accept that we have done something wrong…especially when we were trying to do right. It is similar to a high ranking military official being dressed down by the president in the oval office. It is the discipline that keeps the officer in check well enough to listen and not speak during the process; not his desire to hear the information.

Because we don’t have the same strict code of discipline in society, we usually take issue during our own dressing down and block the truth from entering. Unless the person is a bald faced liar, we can really only judge our actions based on how they are perceived by others. There is no check list to make sure that actions and decisions are right. When we do or say something, the only thing that can confirm whether or not it was done or said right is the opinion of something or someone. Think of it as a test full of essay questions…you can write two pages about how stars look, but only the teacher can decide of the answer is correct. You could use great adjectives, but fragment your sentences. You could write perfect sentences, but go off on a tangent. You could describe the stars accurately, but not make the essay long enough. You could even do everything right and leave your name off of the paper and receive no credit.

When you are receiving a report from another person on the effects of your actions or statements, they are the teacher giving you a grade on your paper. The truth about it is, if we realize that it’s difficult to handle the truth, it will become easier to work with it.

Open Your Mouth

I wish I had a particular demographic to aim this blog at. Honestly this one goes out to every person of any age, background, ethnicity, religion, gender,…all of that. What could possibly apply to ALL people? Glad you asked.

Whether you believe in God, the power of your own reasoning, or anything else associated with inner strength or character, that same thing lays messages on your heart. What do I mean? When I say messages on your heart, I mean those times in life where you feel compelled to speak or to take action to benefit someone for whatever reason. I speak of those times when there is a reflexive type of response that makes you want to talk or move immediately. Like when you see someone about to get hurt and you say “watch out!” or when you see a baby falling and you try to catch them. Maybe like when you see that homeless person who actually seems authentic and you feel like helping, or even when someone is about to touch a hot object. There are so many possible scenarios that could be associated with physically helping someone that I can’t even begin to get into all of them. I would have to talk about the situation and if you were physically able to do it and was it rational and was it too dangerous and what to do if you got hurt and….blah blah. But the moments when all it takes is some words is something altogether different.

To get started, it must be understood that it actually takes effort to not respond to those urges. After the demand for action arises, other calculations and thoughts prevent us from taking that immediate action required. We like to think about how it will sound and how it will be taken. We fret about finding the perfect words and who else will hear. Often times we wonder if we are even worthy to offer the words needed because of our own past deeds and efforts. That very moment, the one when the second guessing occurs, is the moment that steals the possibilities. People say that it’s never too late, but I promise they are not talking about these situations. How could they not be talking about these situations? Really glad you asked that.

If you believe in God, there is a plan at work in your life. You (me included) believe that God is always moving and we are in particular places at particular times for particular reasons. I am not familiar with any other religion intimately but I imagine that steps are “ordered” there too. If you do not believe in any God and claim the laws or probabilities and statistics then logic alone reveals that certain opportunities in life are not likely to actually repeat. Either way we all know that moments in time are fleeting at best. Not paying attention will cause things to pass you by and you might not even know what is happening around you. Failing to adhere to the call to action at the time you are called will mean that the opportunity is gone.

The person will be hurt if you don’t say watch out. The baby will fall if you don’t reach out. The homeless person might not be in the same spot tomorrow. The person will get burnt if you don’t tell them it’s hot. We could look at anyone in a situation like that and say they did it to themselves, or they weren’t paying attention. We could also look at the person who could have said something and say, “You sold out.” It’s a big sell out too. The same motivating factor that compels you to action should be the same factor that hangs the guilt of inaction around your neck. How could words ever be too much of a heavy lift for a person who serves God or a person who claims to have any type of morality? It never should be.

In every one of those situations, failing to act not only does a disservice to the person you should have helped, but many people do not consider the collateral damage. What about all of the people who witnessed your inaction? What does it say to them? I can guarantee this, not only does it speak to your character but it also reinforces a culture of do nothing. A culture where we see people being wronged and sit idly by. One where we pretend to not see the perils that are about to befall members of society. A moral fabric full of holes big enough for the youth to fall into oblivion. A system of religion that speaks of an almighty God and yet produces followers who won’t listen to His voice. You need only to be a member of that society to know that something needs to change.

Look around…don’t worry…I’ll wait. Can you see the decline happening around you? If you trace it back to the roots I promise there is someone there with a closed mouth. There was someone who knew about every wrong we are currently facing or have faced and said nothing or muttered it through tight lips. There was someone who knew there was a housing bubble. I promise someone knew that the levees wouldn’t hold up in New Orleans. There was someone who knew the 9/11 attacks were going to happen. It’s a shame but someone knew Sandusky was molesting little boys at Penn State. Somebody knew somebody else was going to shoot Tupac. Money bet that someone saw some convicts when they were just kids on a path to adult life in prison. How about this one; somebody knew the money was funny at your church. Somebody knew Natalee Holloway should have gone with her friends and not with those new guys. At least one person knew that Michael Jackson was taking too many drugs. Maybe they couldn’t get the words right. Maybe they were scared. Maybe it wasn’t the appropriate time to speak. Maybe before they mustered up the courage the situation already happened. Maybe the hesitation was just too long. The truth about it is, the only way to prevent becoming someone’s roots is to open your mouth.

Sisters on the LD

That is not a typo. I am not dyslexic. I actually mean sisters on the LD. For a long time we have been hearing about brothers on the DL, so I just want to stretch out with it a little.

Let me make a couple points first. I may be giving away my age, but does anybody remember when the down low was a secret relationship between a man and a woman that no one could know about? Man the song was hot and on fire back then…R. Kelly right? Yeah, yeah, and Ronald Isley. Smdh... they can’t even play that song anymore. Doesn’t even mean the same thing. Such a loss. That was then, but now, it makes me think about how sickening it is that some man would trick some woman into marriage and be homo behind her back. I do not agree with homosexuality in any way, but it’s not my burden to bear so I can’t speak to the feelings. I can say if that is your thing, just do you fully and don’t bring some lady into that mess of lies, risks, and embarrassment. If you have all the parts of a man, be one...even if you like other dudes.

So what could be worse than a brother living on the DL? Nothing. Nothing at all. But coming in a close second is sisters living on the LD. What is the LD? Glad you asked. The Low Down.

This phenomenon is something to behold. It’s not really even about outside sexual relationships, or anything like that. I’m speaking about the way some sisters behave inside of a relationship. Now I understand the whole thing about men do this and women do that, but I can really only talk about one thing at the time right? Right. How do you know when a woman is living on the low down? Glad you asked. I will lay out a few things and sum it up. (Few actually means 3)

You can tell when a sister is living the low down when her supreme focus is on what material possessions her “man” should have for her to enjoy. “My man needs to have a house, a car, and this, and that….” Everybody needs to have somewhere to sleep and access to transportation. That’s right. Can’t even argue the point. But when you hear and see the women that say that same tired speech, have you ever wondered why they are still single? Have you ever stopped to think about the size house and type of car they are talking about?  I have. It never fails that if you press the issue, you will find that they already know. And I will go further and say that inside of those past relationships where those things weren’t present, they made sure to beat the man over the head with that fact. “You don’t even have a house...and what kind of raggedy car is this?!...I don’t even know why I settled for this mess!” Pressing further, that same woman will modify that same statement even if the guy does have a house and a car if they don’t match the mental image. “Nobody wants to live in this house and you need to get a new car!” Remember I’m not saying not to want these things, but if they are the SUPREME focus, then she is living the low down.

You can tell when a sister is living the low down by the way she addresses her man. In a true relationship, the word of a man’s woman means a lot. Notice I said in a true relationship. Not necessarily one where you hold hands and skip through the field every day, but one where you have that respect and commitment to each other. In that place, a woman knows what buttons to push to provoke anger. The buttons that question manhood, work ethic, and sexuality are all designed to push a man to anger. Period. “What kind of man are you?.. You lazy and good for nothing!..You must be some kind of gay boy..” None of those questions or statements is designed to do anything but cause distress and hit him where it hurts. It might achieve the objective, but at what cost? The price of living the low down.

You can tell when a sister is living the low down by the way she sets her priorities in conversation. If when you hear her speak of her relationship and she never talks about ”we” or “our” anything, understand that the focus is strictly on her. “I got my…. He needs to give me… I need… I want… I said… I took my…” Any woman, who doesn’t recognize her man in conversation as a part of anything, doesn’t treat him like anything in their dealings. Words and attitudes don’t adjust on the fly. If that is all you hear then that is all she says. If that is all she says then that is how she behaves. We always speak of the things that are important to us. You can bet money that if a woman in a relationship only speaks of herself then she is her main priority and thrusts her into the category of living the low down.

This is where it gets a little tricky. I am not talking about isolated incidents in any of these examples. I am referring to the women who live this same pattern over and over. If you are a woman then she is your friend, sister, cousin, co-worker…maybe even you. If you are a man then she is your sister, girlfriend, fiancé, wife (Lord help you!) if you on the DL….maybe even you. Everybody is capable of saying and doing cruel things in moments of anger and hurt. All people have lapses in judgment and make mistakes. That is human. The truth about it is, it’s just a different kind of human that lives the Low Down.  

Eggs and Baskets

We all know the old saying, “Don’t put all your eggs in the same basket.” Have you ever thought about why? If you have, there are actually a few reasons. Well of course you don’t want to drop the basket with all of the eggs in it. That’s a given. Another reason may be because if one of the eggs in there is broken, it might get that nasty goo all over the other eggs. Still another reason might be because you have someone else’s eggs in there too. A disaster if you break them. There is another reason that I think to be of importance. It may not be the case but it is definitely a possibility…..

Maybe you are in possession of a sorry basket. Let that marinate for a minute...don’t worry...I’ll wait.

Whether you have one egg or forty eggs, if you put them all in a sorry basket the outcome will not be desirable. At a certain point in life, the basket inspection process becomes critical. Not only do you have to examine the basket, but you also have to look and see what in your life can be considered a basket. People, places, jobs, hobbies, cars, along with schools, habits, inner circles, and goals are all things/issues that can be considered to be baskets. I like people so I will work on that front and if you get what I’m saying you can apply that to the other aspects.

Make sure your basket is deep enough to carry what you need. In personal relationships, quality and closeness are determined by the depth of understanding. The only thing worse than a surface skimmer in a relationship is…well nothing is worse. Those are the people that hover on the surface of the relationship pretending to know how deep the water is, but they are really scared to go to the bottom. They speak of wanting to have “that” bond with someone. Sometimes they reel you in with words and deeds. The problem is when the waters become troubled; the lack of depth causes them to become lost in the breakers and current. If they are in deep with you, surface problems won’t be the end of the world, just another reason to go deeper.

Make sure your basket has the appropriate handles. Relationships do not last when there is nothing to commit to. It might carry on for a while, but carrying on is not the same as lasting. It is not possible to easily carry a basket without the appropriate handles on it. It’s a tragedy waiting to occur. In this case, a handle refers to a characteristic needed to make everything work out right. Let’s just say that the basket has four points of connections. Those four points would be faithfulness, respect, fairness, and compassion. If those connection points are secure, carrying that basket is an easy chore. If any one of those connection points is loose, you can bet that your basket will tip in that same direction resulting in difficulty at best and catastrophe at worse.

Make sure your basket has a little padding on the inside. Remember that we are using this basket to carry eggs. There is no way to safely carry eggs in a basket with a brick bottom likewise there is no way to place your emotional eggs in the care of someone with a rock heart. While the brick bottom is strong enough to support the eggs, the physical characteristics make it impossible for something like an egg to be jostled on it. The same rules apply to a person with a rock heart. They are strong enough to support you, but when there is a journey (adversity or misunderstanding) the hardness of their heart will cause them to either refuse to help at all or bail out altogether. In either one of those scenarios all of the eggs end up cracked or broken completely.

Make sure your basket is made of the appropriate material. This can usually be done with a visual inspection. We all know what sturdy material looks like and how it behaves. It is a little but sometimes overlooked detail. Rules of similar fashion apply in relationships too. It’s the little things that count. Sometimes they count towards the good, and sometimes they count towards the bad. Well wishes, timely affection, shows of concern, shows of disregard, tiny snide comments, and disrespect all merge to determine the material of the basket. Do they kick you when you are down and in need or do they understand times of stress and uncertainty in your life? Do they love to tell you and hate to hear? The answers to those questions will help to determine what type of material your basket is made of.  Note to self: pretty does NOT mean quality.

If your basket has enough depth, the right handles, some padding on the inside, and made of good material, you actually have a chance to make a trip with your eggs. Without the proper basket there is no reason to even attempt the voyage. The truth about it is, you may fall along the way but a good basket will ensure that you don’t break every egg you have. If you have a sorry basket… I hope you like omelets.

Time To Go

There is a proper time and place for all things. Our actions must be monitored and thought through, if possible, before we actually take steps to proceed. It’s called caution. Every situation in life does NOT require immediate action, especially when there are a lot of outside factors such as; children, employment, assets, and relationships.

Every decision that we make is almost like the beginning of a new life cycle. We make a decision. Something happens which leads to something else. It’s almost like decisions are giving birth to other decisions that have minds of their own. Some of them are good little decisions. They take good care to keep clean and mind their manners. They brush their teeth and wash behind their ears before bedtime. The others are products of the demon seed. They bring home the worst grades, steal money from your wallet, and have parties while you are away from home.

It makes sense that a hasty decision with a reason that you don’t know too well is the perfect setting for birthing a bad decision. Ever heard of protection? Better put on that caution. How many bad decisions can be running around the house at the same time? Pretty soon you are just irresponsible and need to get it together. I used to hear the older people say, “it’s gone catch up with you one day.”

If there is one of your decisions that needs special care and attention, it’s the one named Time To Go. We will just call him TTG for short. This is the decision that can bless your life and times, or can force you into early dementia and steal your assets. Special care must be given when even thinking about TTG. If you are not careful, just the thought of it and all of the possibilities can possibly cloud your mind, pulling you away from clear and rational thought.

The question is: What makes TTG such a special decision? The answer is: It affects a great deal of aspects of life. When you birth Time To Go, most factors of your life will be shifted in some sort of way. If you move states there are new laws and guidelines. If you have actual children, they will be caught up in the mix some kind of way whether they go with you or not. Of course if you change locations it will probably speak to your employment situation. And if you are in any kind of relationship, Time To Go will have a major impact on that as well. I guess you could say that birthing TTG means bringing forth a decision that has the possibility of birthing other situations that can move you forward or slam you backwards.

If your decision pregnancy test comes back with a Time To Go sign on it, my advice is to think about it first. You do not have to wait until opportunity passes, just until enough time and thought has gone into it to actually see if you are ready. The truth about it is, Time To Go is one of the most important decisions you can bring into this world. Have it, take care of it, nurture it,…just make sure you are ready.

40 Acres and a Mule

I am not a racist. I grew up around a diverse group because my family moved a few times. I had white friends in the white neighborhood at the predominantly white school. Later on in life I had black friends in the projects and the all black school. (1 white student) I have been around the block in the racially integrated category. Two hitches: In the white neighborhood, the guy that lived behind us hated black people. He had three kids. The first day I asked if I could play with them he screamed NO and took his children in the house. I was devastated. In the black neighborhood I was surrounded by people who were intimidated by scholarship and an intact middle class family. Somebody from down that way stole my bike too. I was devastated. Of course everyone is a little partial to their own race but I laid that stuff out there to say that people of all colors give you problems.

Now that I have laid all of that out I have a very large issue. Regardless of how things are now, or how far we have come in society, there is a debt that has never been paid to black people for some of the things that have happened in this country. There might be an argument if I based that statement solely on the whole slavery deal, but that’s the worst thing; not the only thing.

Seriously, aside from the generations of being property, finding our way once “set free”, continuously pressing on to be able to vote and use facilities, and the discrimination of today there are still other events that further depress the soul. If you start thinking about stuff like the Tuskeegee Experiment where they purposefully infected black men with syphilis and falsified a treatment regimen to see what would happen, it sounds almost unbelievable. It took Bill Clinton to apologize for that one. And now we find that several states were practicing eugenics up until 1980. What’s that? That is where somebody decides to purify a people and they begin to sterilize the people they don’t like so they will not reproduce from that same gene pool. Of course that was done to black people too.

For a long time I felt like the whole reparation argument was getting tired. The people who called for it always seemed to be on dark side of logic. Of course they were portrayed as crazy black folk who couldn’t let go of the past. Now I realize that we didn’t even know what the past was. So not only were we the slaves ripped from another land, separated from families there and here, marginalized in the rights department, but we were also test subjects for untreated curable diseases and sterilized so we couldn’t “make” anymore. The sad part about it is, we haven’t even gotten to the present day statistics and plight of black people here in the U.S. Sure we have a black president, but is that supposed to erase the other stuff. Black people as a whole didn’t make it to the top, he did. 

I guess we could stand on the improvements in race relations and the new opportunities that are out here now. We could lift up educational accomplishments and shattered athletic ceilings. The problem with that is it doesn’t realize or recognize the past. The problem with that is the past does all of the recognizing.

One of the biggest problems facing blacks is the need to start from financial scratch at the start of every generation. See while we had that other stuff going on like slavery and civil rights and eugenics, the other party was amassing wealth and began to pass it down. We are talking about wealth on a generational level. The world is different when your great grandfather began passing down stuff that far ahead of your time. Matter of fact, it’s a difference if your parents can leave assets. If you start from a more fortunate place, your ability to reach higher is already bolstered by the height of your start. If you start from a place of nothing, the opportunities are possible but the odds are still stacked. Studies have already revealed this to anyone paying attention.

Blah, blah, blah…don’t want to get too far off of the subject so let me say this. If you owe someone a million dollars for keeping him in jail for 2o years mistakenly, then what do you owe to an entire people for (skip slavery) giving them diseases and destroying their reproduction? But if you let the politicians say it, they will never apologize for America.

Would be nice to get that 40 acres and a mule, but I don’t believe it’s going to happen. The truth about it is, there is no way to look for restitution when you are not even sure of what all has happened.

Answer the Phone!

What could be worse than needing someone to lean on, or needing a shoulder to cry on, or needing to bounce a few ideas off of someone else? I can assure you that it is worse when you don’t have anyone to be there for that. It is a feeling that becomes difficult to explain but easily recognizable when it hits you in the gut. It always seems like the situation is one where the only people you can talk to are only accessible by phone. The problems begin there. Maybe we are different, but in my life it seems like every time I get to that place, no one answers. I literally mean NO ONE. That always seems to press my issues deeper into my consciousness and enhance the negative energy that pulses through my heart and mind. Sometimes it results in a sinking feeling in my stomach. Sometimes it pushes me ever so closer to what feels like a breakdown (men can’t go there). Sometimes it just really makes me mad. Real mad.

Because it had become such a prevalent theme in my times of distress, I decided to make some subtle changes to make it easier to deal with. It didn’t come easy either; partly because I had to make my way through the thickets of sadness and anger to the place where my actions would be ones that made sense. Had to get past all of the I won’t be talking to them, these people are not my friends, nobody loves me, and the I will just go away stuff to make it to a new place where I could deal.

This is how I have chosen to look at those times…. That is time that I need to be alone. Those moments are moments where I need to take full advantage of the empty plate of my social world and focus on the issue or issues in front of me.

Think about it. What do I really have to say in those moments? The term is venting, but who says the listener would be ready for all of that. Have you ever gotten a call in the middle of doing something and it was somebody there pouring their heart out and it was too uncomfortable to say I need to call you back? Or how about getting a call from a venting person right when you need to vent and there is a clash because of that when there has been no disagreement. I have even had situations where I called and called only to have the wrong person answer the phone...trying to be pushy and make somebody be there when they weren’t available.

I really wish I could say that those alone times aren’t still painful, but they are. I wish I could say that thinking about those times as needed alone time cures it all, but it only makes the situation more manageable. But isn’t that the point of using different coping techniques? Yes it is. Most of the maneuvers that we pull when dealing in our social lives are coping mechanisms and not solutions. Solutions are only relevant when the problem has already occurred, unless you attempt to look forward; and that’s a coping mechanism.

Things will happen that cause us to seek the shelter of personal interaction with someone we trust. If you live long enough life, death, happiness, and tragedy will be a part of life. When you get to that place and no one will answer the phone, don’t get too upset. The truth about it is you probably need that time for yourself.

Preacher or Motivational Speaker

I have come to the conclusion that nothing really beats a good sermon. We all need time to sit and listen to relevant issues pertaining to our lives, how we live them, and how we should live them. We, if you are an attendee, are faced with the truths of the teachings that have been handed down through the various cultures, subcultures, and generations that make up the different religions. I am a Christian. I am not one to judge anyone for whatever religion they claim. I do not have the ability to force my belief system on anyone, nor can their system be forced on me. From what I can gather, many of them are similar in teachings, but we all know that one detail can result in wars that last for years…especially if you are talking religion. (no need for examples)

For me, the issue is that people cannot tell the difference between a preacher and a motivational speaker. Sorry, I couldn’t dress it up any better than. Religion has become so commercialized that it is advertised for all of the benefits of the worship experience, except soul salvation. I must admit that the better motivational speakers always have a way of tying in to the depths of our conscious and desires, but most will not cross that fine line of spirituality….except for the ones that occupy the pulpit.

I fully understand that you may not agree with anything I am about to say. Please believe me when I say that I have much, much, more but I will limit it to 3. So if you really don’t agree with these, it only gets worse from here.

If someone only talks about your “breakthrough” and never about how to get it, other than “sowing your seed”, it’s a motivational speaker. We all know that we reap what we sow, but there are other determining factors when it comes to the quality of your harvest. Go outside, sow the best seeds, don’t water or weed the space where you planted, and tell me what you have at the end. Better yet, go ahead and water and weed the area but don’t do anything to prevent insect infestation and show me your prize crops. Hey here’s another one…sow your seed in the shade or rocky acidic soil and watch it blossom. What I’m saying is this; “sowing your seed” is not just making a drop in the collection plate or sending $100 to the clown on TV. Is your money that much more valuable than your time, talent, dedication, or your quest to not live in sin? No it’s not. But it is very important to the person trying to get you to buy in to a load in the name of the Savior. See, that way, they don’t worry about their own harvest because they use yours. Understand that I am NOT talking about tithes and offerings, I’m talking about when they tell you the more money the more blessings. I have never seen the Lord shopping. I have seen motivational speakers who wear robes sell books, drive Bentleys, and rock bling that would make Diddy look twice.

If when you hear someone speaking in a religious setting from the pulpit at sermon time and 2/3 of what you hear is old standard cliché, it’s a motivational speaker. Motivational speakers use techniques to get closer to the crowd. They say easily identifiable slogans or groups of words that the listener can buy into. It’s an excellent way to connect with an audience, and is extremely effective. But if I am supposed to believe that The Almighty is providing you with a word for His people, how can I be convinced if you only say the same thing? Unless….everybody at the church is going through the exact same thing at the exact same time and in the exact same place in their spiritual walk and have been standing in spiritual place ever since the clichés started. I doubt it. There are stories within stories within stories in the Bible. There is too much information and relevant scripture to only say the same thing ALL the time. Sorry for this: Let’s only bring out the Jehovah tirade on special occasions. You know the one where we get to hear all of the different Jehovah subtitles and what they all mean…. It’s like a song that I all know already. You can’t use that to occupy space if you are a preacher. A motivational speaker will perfect it and use it at every opportunity.

If when you hear the “sermon” at your church you always hear about the love of God and never the wrath of God, it’s a motivational speaker. Think about it. There are rules to religion; it’s heavily rooted in discipline and we all know that. When I was a child, I was always told what would happen if I was bad. Aren’t we supposed to be His children. Where are the warnings? You cannot instruct any child without telling them about consequences of bad actions. It’s called raising them. Anyone telling you that nothing you have done or are doing matters to Him and He loves you anyway is drawing you in by offering a certain acceptance that doesn’t exist. The rules are there for a reason and there are and will be consequences for those actions. A motivational speaker will woo you with false senses of security, especially if they have to talk to you all of the time. That is their job; not the job of a preacher.

The truth about it is, it’s really our fault for listening to stuff that hypes us up and not necessarily feeds the soul. Hell is not a curse word; it is home for those who are not of and for Him. How did they say it….there is a train leaving for hell every 15 minutes and it ain’t full yet.

I have to throw this in..”When praises go up, blessings come down”…there is a time in every person’s life when they don’t know how or why to send praises up. How did we make it this far if we all had to go through that time period? Blessings come down long before we have any sense at all….church “be” crunk though. Smh….