Answer the Phone!

What could be worse than needing someone to lean on, or needing a shoulder to cry on, or needing to bounce a few ideas off of someone else? I can assure you that it is worse when you don’t have anyone to be there for that. It is a feeling that becomes difficult to explain but easily recognizable when it hits you in the gut. It always seems like the situation is one where the only people you can talk to are only accessible by phone. The problems begin there. Maybe we are different, but in my life it seems like every time I get to that place, no one answers. I literally mean NO ONE. That always seems to press my issues deeper into my consciousness and enhance the negative energy that pulses through my heart and mind. Sometimes it results in a sinking feeling in my stomach. Sometimes it pushes me ever so closer to what feels like a breakdown (men can’t go there). Sometimes it just really makes me mad. Real mad.

Because it had become such a prevalent theme in my times of distress, I decided to make some subtle changes to make it easier to deal with. It didn’t come easy either; partly because I had to make my way through the thickets of sadness and anger to the place where my actions would be ones that made sense. Had to get past all of the I won’t be talking to them, these people are not my friends, nobody loves me, and the I will just go away stuff to make it to a new place where I could deal.

This is how I have chosen to look at those times…. That is time that I need to be alone. Those moments are moments where I need to take full advantage of the empty plate of my social world and focus on the issue or issues in front of me.

Think about it. What do I really have to say in those moments? The term is venting, but who says the listener would be ready for all of that. Have you ever gotten a call in the middle of doing something and it was somebody there pouring their heart out and it was too uncomfortable to say I need to call you back? Or how about getting a call from a venting person right when you need to vent and there is a clash because of that when there has been no disagreement. I have even had situations where I called and called only to have the wrong person answer the phone...trying to be pushy and make somebody be there when they weren’t available.

I really wish I could say that those alone times aren’t still painful, but they are. I wish I could say that thinking about those times as needed alone time cures it all, but it only makes the situation more manageable. But isn’t that the point of using different coping techniques? Yes it is. Most of the maneuvers that we pull when dealing in our social lives are coping mechanisms and not solutions. Solutions are only relevant when the problem has already occurred, unless you attempt to look forward; and that’s a coping mechanism.

Things will happen that cause us to seek the shelter of personal interaction with someone we trust. If you live long enough life, death, happiness, and tragedy will be a part of life. When you get to that place and no one will answer the phone, don’t get too upset. The truth about it is you probably need that time for yourself.