Let me make a couple points first. I may be giving away my age, but does anybody remember when the down low was a secret relationship between a man and a woman that no one could know about? Man the song was hot and on fire back then…R. Kelly right? Yeah, yeah, and Ronald Isley. Smdh... they can’t even play that song anymore. Doesn’t even mean the same thing. Such a loss. That was then, but now, it makes me think about how sickening it is that some man would trick some woman into marriage and be homo behind her back. I do not agree with homosexuality in any way, but it’s not my burden to bear so I can’t speak to the feelings. I can say if that is your thing, just do you fully and don’t bring some lady into that mess of lies, risks, and embarrassment. If you have all the parts of a man, be one...even if you like other dudes.
So what could be worse than a brother living on the DL? Nothing. Nothing at all. But coming in a close second is sisters living on the LD. What is the LD? Glad you asked. The Low Down.
This phenomenon is something to behold. It’s not really even about outside sexual relationships, or anything like that. I’m speaking about the way some sisters behave inside of a relationship. Now I understand the whole thing about men do this and women do that, but I can really only talk about one thing at the time right? Right. How do you know when a woman is living on the low down? Glad you asked. I will lay out a few things and sum it up. (Few actually means 3)
You can tell when a sister is living the low down when her supreme focus is on what material possessions her “man” should have for her to enjoy. “My man needs to have a house, a car, and this, and that….” Everybody needs to have somewhere to sleep and access to transportation. That’s right. Can’t even argue the point. But when you hear and see the women that say that same tired speech, have you ever wondered why they are still single? Have you ever stopped to think about the size house and type of car they are talking about? I have. It never fails that if you press the issue, you will find that they already know. And I will go further and say that inside of those past relationships where those things weren’t present, they made sure to beat the man over the head with that fact. “You don’t even have a house...and what kind of raggedy car is this?!...I don’t even know why I settled for this mess!” Pressing further, that same woman will modify that same statement even if the guy does have a house and a car if they don’t match the mental image. “Nobody wants to live in this house and you need to get a new car!” Remember I’m not saying not to want these things, but if they are the SUPREME focus, then she is living the low down.
You can tell when a sister is living the low down by the way she addresses her man. In a true relationship, the word of a man’s woman means a lot. Notice I said in a true relationship. Not necessarily one where you hold hands and skip through the field every day, but one where you have that respect and commitment to each other. In that place, a woman knows what buttons to push to provoke anger. The buttons that question manhood, work ethic, and sexuality are all designed to push a man to anger. Period. “What kind of man are you?.. You lazy and good for nothing!..You must be some kind of gay boy..” None of those questions or statements is designed to do anything but cause distress and hit him where it hurts. It might achieve the objective, but at what cost? The price of living the low down.
You can tell when a sister is living the low down by the way she sets her priorities in conversation. If when you hear her speak of her relationship and she never talks about ”we” or “our” anything, understand that the focus is strictly on her. “I got my…. He needs to give me… I need… I want… I said… I took my…” Any woman, who doesn’t recognize her man in conversation as a part of anything, doesn’t treat him like anything in their dealings. Words and attitudes don’t adjust on the fly. If that is all you hear then that is all she says. If that is all she says then that is how she behaves. We always speak of the things that are important to us. You can bet money that if a woman in a relationship only speaks of herself then she is her main priority and thrusts her into the category of living the low down.
This is where it gets a little tricky. I am not talking about isolated incidents in any of these examples. I am referring to the women who live this same pattern over and over. If you are a woman then she is your friend, sister, cousin, co-worker…maybe even you. If you are a man then she is your sister, girlfriend, fiancé, wife (Lord help you!) if you on the DL….maybe even you. Everybody is capable of saying and doing cruel things in moments of anger and hurt. All people have lapses in judgment and make mistakes. That is human. The truth about it is, it’s just a different kind of human that lives the Low Down.
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