What If I Believed You

              At this point in my life I can honestly say that I think I have heard it all. I’ve heard cut downs, brutal truths, lies, exaggerations, completely meaningful things, meaningless incomplete things, and straight up bullshit (sorry). It was my earnest intent to list many quotes for the sheer benefit of reading them in written form, but that would probably be boring so I decided to change tactics. I believe the new approach will better let me get my point across.

                Anyone past 28 years of age should have come to the place where we realize that people will say anything. Famous lines shrouded in crap clusters include: “I got you”, “everything is fine”, “I would never do that to you”, “I love you”, and usually anything else that involves a specific commitment and/or a personal struggle. As in most instances, these quotes and others like them, are spoken in the moment because we are conditioned to participate in scripted conversation. We sense there is an emotional need and we sling words into the void to fill it. The problem is when our words are used as fillers, they are no longer words. Those cavity filling slogans become verbal contracts because contracts have the ability to stick to the sides of the cavern. Empty words fall into nothing, but contracts catch hold in different places and begin to give hope for a sufficient patch.

                I guess I could stay right there and harp on that aspect but I won’t. If at this point you don’t understand what I’m saying you probably won’t get the rest of it either. To make it clear… people tell you what they think you want to hear. It doesn’t mean that they actually mean anything by the words. If you try to make a contract out of someone’s empty words you will regret it. If you don’t know that just keep on living and I guarantee someone will show you.

                So many times in my life I wish I could have responded. There have been countless times when I decided to not say anything even though I was reading the situation and cast of characters like a children’s book. I tell people all of the time, “I talk and sound country, but I think city.” I say that because people listen to a southern drawl and think I’m slow or something. In most of those situations I push past the obvious only to have the obvious try to scare me. I’m not scared of the obvious though, so it really only pisses me off. Why does it piss me off? Glad you asked.

                Because WHAT IF I BELIEVED YOU??? I often think about where my life would be if I believed all that stuff. I had a preacher tell me that my Mom would be ok because he prayed for her. She’s ok now because she’s with the Lord but that wasn’t the intent of those words. What if I invested in that statement? Who would save him? Where would I be if I actually believed all the people who said “I love you” or “I’m here for you”? I don’t know the answer to where I would be, because it’s not a trip I’m willing to take. If you want to ride the roller coaster of hollow words then there is at least one seat available. You can have my seat even though it has cobwebs on it or if you’re already seated you can pass it on to a friend or family member… free of charge.

                I’m skeptical, I’m cautious, and I’m highly attentive. I play hard and after the last draft my roster still only had me on it. I am my own team. Have you ever seen a player pass a ball to a ghost? I haven’t either. The truth about it is, ghosts only exist if you believe in them.  And that’s exactly why I allow myself to ask “what if I believed you” and not deal with having believed.