That’s The Only Problem

We live in a time where everything is ‘gotcha’.  Not only is that our style of politics and law enforcement, but it is now a reality that we all have to deal with. From the ATM to the Waffle House you would have probably passed on about 5 video cameras not including the ones at the ATM and Waffle House. And if you look good enough it doesn’t include the cell phone pics and cameras either.  Honestly there is no true way to tell when our next pic or video will be posted on Facebook and sent to us. We can find privacy in our homes as long as we stay away from the computer and the windows. Our cars do ok but since most of us have some GPS device either installed in the car or installed on our hip somebody knows our movements. Church used to be an escape but now its pressed on DVD and sold at the end of service if the church is not already on the radio. For the most part, somebody is always watching or at least trying to.

But (duh-duh-duuuhhh ---triumphant horns) there are ways to attain privacy. You can set up a place in your home where you can escape from it all. You can actually go to a secluded spot and have a picnic with your significant other. You can go to many places that you might not readily think of to truly be by yourself and get that so sought after thing we call(ed) privacy. Even though the solution to the being alone part is hard to get, there are ways to get it done so I really can’t call it a problem. I can only say it is a difficult and tedious task; not a problem. 

I guess what I’m saying is that if we try hard enough we can find a way to give ourselves the green light. It might take a while to get to the Promised Land but for one who is willing to make the trek there is a resting place. You can find or make a way to get some alone time. You can go to places where no one can see you and be free enough to enjoy it. Since I grew up in church, I would always hear the warning that God is watching. I believe that and I’m sure there are others who do and don’t for various reasons. A lot of us were told that Santa was watching. Of course there are those who never believed that either. But I have another common denominator that still allows me to speak on the topic without getting all holy or in the holiday spirit and stuff.

If you can make that treacherous journey to privacy; that place where you can give yourself the green light to cut a fool and act out of character. You can bask in the glow of serenity and do some things you always wanted to do. Even better you can actually decide whether to do it by yourself or with someone else. Whatever you decide to do enjoy it but take this warning with you. Once you have escaped all of the technology, cell phones, video recorders, and the like. Once you have removed yourself from public viewing for those solitary few minutes. Once you begin to enjoy whatever it is you wanted to hide from the rest of the world. Once you begin to cut the fool you always dreamed of cutting. Remember that when it’s all over YOU were there to see every sorted detail and act committed.

The truth about it is, that’s the only problem.

                                                                                             

What You Do That For?

I could have said “Why did you do that?” but it doesn’t have that special ring to it. I do realize that not everyone would phrase the question that way but if you do not speak in those terms I am suggesting that you try it next time you have an opportunity. It will change the conversation.  See “Why did you do that” offers the other party some benefit of having a sound mind and reasoning behind the decision. It is a question that leaves everyone involved on the same level playing field. On the other hand, “What you do that for” means that someone has done something stupid on some level and there is no understanding. It is a direct move towards dominance in a conversation and immediately places the other party in a position of providing targeted information instead of the complete truth.  That is usually because the person asking already knows why and on what level the action was stupid.

There have been many times in my life where I have asked “What you do that for” knowing full well that the answer would never be sufficient. If I am honest with myself I would say that I had usually already decided that the informational part of the conversation was over and the time had come for ignorance. The only reason I even said it was to prolong the other person’s feeling of being uncomfortable. It is rare but I have seen people who can’t recognize their own stupidity and never quite get to the place where they understand where the question is coming from. Even rarer is the time when the question is answered with a satisfactory answer. Basically, I’m saying that 8.5 out of 10 times when you feel the urge to ask the question, something has been done and the other person is at fault. Candidly, it is the adult equivalent of telling a child “You know better.”

Somehow, I can’t seem to put my finger on what draws me in or raises my curiosity when it comes to these moments---a lie (sorry). These moments make my mouth water for confrontation because when someone has done something obviously stupid the animalistic side of my personality pounces on injured prey. This may sound horrible but there is worldly joy to be found in letting someone know that something was done either in ignorant haste, ignored malice, or at the very worst against their own self-interest. It is a situation that launches my fighter planes to attack the monkey on that building. I might lose a couple jets in the battle but the monkey will fall in the end because I have guns (the dumb decision).

Since I can recognize the flaw in my character it has become my duty to purge the thorn from my flesh….since I am the ONLY one who behaves this way (hint, hint). If I am heading in the wrong direction, please pray for my speedy recovery to the proper route.  

Step #1- Try to understand what has happened when someone asks me “What you do that for”.

TTAII

I Thought You Were Somebody

Well I have to first say that everybody is somebody. To dismiss someone as not being an actual person has to be the height of arrogance. While I may be a slight bit cocky…I’m not arrogant. Every human being, on some level somewhere, is just as decent and regular as everyone else even though it is not always easily discernible. That having been said, I also have to say that many people are not the people they would like for you to believe they are, which led me to that thought. It might have been better if I said I thought you were somebody else, but when you pull the veil off then the “else” becomes irrelevant.

“Else” becomes a throw away word because in most circumstances we find that people are usually worse than they led us to believe. It is a revelation that comes about either through the accumulation of rough experiences or the uncovering of scandal. The worth or identity of a person is not seen through one or two acts. Often individuals are given chance after chance to fail and fall short before it is assumed that they suck. Once suck status is achieved, “I thought you were somebody”, will suffice.

My whole problem with this is that for the most part no one ever asked these people to lie. I’ve seen people meet each other and I have even been a part of many first encounters and I never remember hearing someone ask me to lie and I don’t recall ever asking someone to lie to me. For some odd reason I seem to be prone to meeting people invaded by the lie-bodysnatchers. Now there are several classifications of a liar: habitual- lie a lot, random- lie for no reason, skilled- lie artfully, bald faced- lie maliciously, and hitch- lie in groups. Many people may be in possession of one or two lie-censes, but the person that possesses all of the classifications simultaneously has been invaded by the lie-bodysnatchers.

Someone who has been lie-bodysnatched will say, do, and believe anything. Of course someone who lies on many levels will say or do anything, but they will also believe anything because, for them, everything is based on lies. Any person who lives and stands upon lies alone believes that everyone else is doing the same thing, and that leads to paranoia. It is a tortured life for the lie-bodysnatched but I am not offering one shred of covering or understanding. No one should live that way.

These are the people that tell you about the horrible car accident they saw and how they helped to save the pregnant woman but the dog died in their arms---but not only did they not see anything like that, the next time you witness a wreck with them they freak out and start crying. Or the person who goes home every day to a happy family, playing the role of committed partner---but they have been living a secret homosexual lifestyle for the past few years. Or what about the person who claims to love someone---but in fits of anger they abuse, misuse, and abandon their mate. Anyone can tell a lie. Only the lie-bodysnatched can convincingly pull off lies of epic proportion.  

Sadly, I have yet to see a “snatching” be fully reversed. I can say this though…The truth about it is, when you come across someone who has been lie-bodysnatched, “I thought you were somebody,” is all you can say.

My Heart Is Broken

I remember watching this eerie movie where the main character was fighting against a body-jumping force. He was able to identify the carrier but just as he was about to do away with it (them) the force would jump into someone else. I don’t remember all of the details, but there was one scene where he was standing on the streets of a major metropolis and all of the people were walking down the sidewalk. The force was getting into people at an accelerated rate because there were so many people close to each other. He would zero in on the foe and as he made his way towards them he would realize that the person passing him by was the new host. It was crazy and a little scary. Anyway, as usual…this ‘got’ me to thinking…

I began to wonder how it would feel to have to fight an enemy that inhabited different people and changed so fast that I couldn’t tell who the enemy actually was. I tried to get in touch with how I would feel or survive with that many different possible hosts passing me by. How would I know who to attack? Who was regular and just looked possessed? Who could I pull out of the crowd and help me fight? It’s funny (a little), but if I go back to the days when we were group fighting, I realized that the best vantage point was one where my back was close to a wall. That way I only had to defend three sides and not four. I could see whoever was approaching and had time to prepare for whatever I had to do. What would be-----Hey wait a minute…I have already been there before.  As a matter of fact, most of us have already been fighting that same battle in one way or another. Me? I just got my water, some Vaseline on my face, and a word from my trainer. I don’t know what round it is or how I look, but evidently I have been getting my a$& whooped.

Before you get any worries concerning my well-being, I’m ok. Now that I have a moment of clarity I realize that this is what I expected from my opponent. I don’t know about anyone else but when I pick my fights, I try to at least pick an opponent who will make me work for it. I hate to see a match where one person has clearly picked an opponent who isn’t up to the challenge. That being the case, I know what is happening; I know who this is. It’s not a strange knock at the door or anything. It’s just my old partner stopping by to make sure that I haven’t forgotten who they were and all the rounds we suffered through.

I swear that heartbreak jumps into different people just like that force did in the movie. Every time I think my enemy has revealed their true identity to me and I go in for the kill, it is at that moment when I realize that it has jumped into someone else. Heartbreak is a little worse though because not only does it jump into people, but if you don’t watch it closely it can actually jump into things like your job, car, home, and finances. Not certain, but I believe that there have been times where multiple persons and things were all hosts at the same time. It might have been just my mindset at the time, but I swear everything had become infected. It’s all complicated by the fact that there are no walls in life for my back to be shielded; there are only see-through ceilings that let me check out what could be going on while they are keeping me from it (a new blog!).

There are three basic thoughts that I have on this and I feel somewhat helpless because there is not a lot that I can offer in terms of how-to-deal. The first thing is that everyone has to identify their own enemies. I can’t say whether it’s your friends, job, lover(s), car…etc. I wish I could help people figure it out but here is a little bit of assistance. If you can get quiet enough, you will be able to hear what is causing the most snaps in your heart. I find that in most cases heartbreak happens over time with a series of structurally devastating disturbances. Rarely is it just one samurai sword chop because those don’t hurt. The second thought is to say make sure you have a method of recoupling. You may need needle and thread, stitches, or even a stapler. Whatever it is, just make sure you have a way to quickly get your heart back together while the true mending happens.

My third thought deserves to stand alone. It is to my heartbreak and the person or place who is carrying the force at any particular time. And this is the truth if I never spoke it before….

---Bring it.

Damn, Damn, DAMN!!!

I felt a little weird about using that as a title, but since Florida said it on “Good Times” I figured it was main-stream enough. But really that’s the only thing I could think of during one of my mental conversations as the administrator-see blog ‘There Is No Finish Line’. In the mean time I will explain by saying that the majority of the thoughts I have on self-improvement convict me. I am often times talking to myself when I try to discern the “truth” in a situation and I usually come up short by my own standards. So when I had a new thought it made me say damn, damn, DAMN! But hey…self-examination is the first step toward self-improvement.

Today I ended up thinking about all of the outside forces that have impacted my life and, in many instances, guided my path. It is well known that relationships and the people in them with you can often impact one’s path in life. That same path at some point and time is usually also affected by money flow and a quest for “freedom”. An interesting associated factoid is it becomes one of those double sided abnormalities in life when we are only affected by those people and things that we allow in our lives; and the only reason they change our path is because we let them. What I’m saying is, regardless of what has been done or has happened we are at least 95% responsible for our own place in life. No one is to blame for anything except us. ..damn, damn, DAMN!

I was set and ready to give some blame to someone else. At least a pretty hefty chunk of some misfortunes but when I think about it honestly it’s mostly my fault. I, like everyone else, have had people to do cruel, unusual, stupid, hideous, vile, and contemptuous things in my dealings with them but it was me who opened up and allowed that person to have status in my life. It was me who allowed those crimes perpetuated against me to have life, liberty, and rights in my personal politics.

At the end of most every tragedy we all find the strength to stand up and fight. Even the most cowardly individual will do something to you if they are backed in a corner. Most every heartbreak ends with a new heart mender. Some kind of funeral services will be made and carried out no matter how difficult the family takes the loss. Every battle ends in a victory. So the questions become: Why do we toil and suffer so long? Why do we let things that will eventually become small dots in the rear view mirror of life control our paths? Why do people stress and get sick, lose hair, and lose weight because of somebody else? Why do we go in circles instead of heading straight for victory?

The truth about it is, we decided to handle it that way.

Damn! Damn! Damn!!!

Stay A Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day! I pray that this day finds you wrapped in love and surrounded by happy feelings in the presence of that special person. I think that is what people want on February 14 of any year. I’m not a day celebrating kind of person. Not a Grinch or anything, but my dad had several brothers and sisters and his dad was the only person that worked in that household (back in the day). I imagine that celebrating holidays for all those people was a luxury that couldn’t be afforded much. Anyway I believe that some of the behavior carried over because my immediate family didn’t do a whole lot of celebrating. We had excellent holidays and still do! We get together and eat THE BEST food (everybody thinks that…but we really do). And we got a lot of toys for Christmas as small kids. We didn’t do too much for birthdays and such, and amount of Christmas presents fell off like they were a part of the 5 Heartbeats at that banquet. But they were all great holidays and I wouldn’t change a thing (except for that 9.6v RC car that I wanted). Oh no, please don’t be sad for me…I’m like that too. In general I feel that people put too much stock in holidays that are occurring at the moment and holidays that are off in the near future. Think about it. My birthday is going to be the best one ever. Oh we are going to have fun on Thanksgiving. I can’t wait till Christmas. Oh thank you for my Valentine’s Day gift! What if there is a tragedy on your date of birth? What if you don’t have fun at Thanksgiving? What if you don’t make it to Christmas? What if your gift never comes or it sucks? Messed up everything huh? Well it wouldn’t if you weren’t so anxious and excited about it. LOL! If you had been assessing your accomplishments, giving thanks, praising the Lord, and meditating about love everything would have been ok. You should be so excited about life and show love like it’s your last day anyway. ---But I do have a daughter in 2012 and she wins the “get daddy to celebrate” crown (they don’t care how you feel about it…and it better be fun too!). And I love it!

-I digress- This is about Valentine’s Day and there is a new truth to be told. Of course this may not apply to every reader and you should feel free to comment if you feel that I am wrong on this. You should know that I stand by it though…

If you are considered a Valentine, then you should make sure that you stay a Valentine. There is a difference between being a valentine and being a Valentine. See the difference? The difference in life is just as easy to slip by you as the phrase above this one. The things that result in demotion are not as easy to ignore. Now I can only speak from the perspective of a man so here it goes.

At one point in every serious relationship, a man views his mate as the most beautiful, most amazing, most compatible, most “everything else good” in the world. His Valentine is a title that goes without saying. The most annoying ways and stupid habits only make him smile and want to come over. He might not even say anything because men don’t usually talk about that kind of stuff. I’m just telling you how we do.

Basically the problems come in and the foundation gets shaky because we (men) begin to feel like our acceptance and tolerance of those ways and habits doesn’t find that same kind of home. I actually sat in on a conversation between two women. Both were attractive in their own right and single. I am sure that both of them were someone’s Valentine many different times throughout life. But maybe the subject of the conversation will help. For thirty minutes I listened to them rag on about how they were upset because some man didn’t understand what they meant. They talked about how men couldn’t read signs. Another branch of the conversation was that men in general just didn’t know how to get things right. By the end they had painted a picture of a pretty decrepit tree…like one off those horror movies up on a hill.

The whole problem was they were right in many things that they said. Men don’t always understand the language of women. We don’t fare so well when it comes to reading signs. And no we don’t always get things right. The topics were sooo right that it even applied to them. It was just as noticeable as their aging figures and graying hairs and they couldn’t even see it. Never once did they stop to wonder whether they understood the guy. Not one time. Even the times when I tried to interject what the guy was actually saying they just jumped all over the info and said even dumber things. And they all started with, “Yeah, but.” So busy trying to down men for not understanding that they had demoted themselves in every relationship from Valentine to valentine. Someone that might be thought of instead of a focal point.

Because they are attractive they always stand a chance of getting attention on Valentine’s Day. Hell because they are women they stand a chance of getting attention on that day. But it’s not known if it’s coming even if it is expected. They never allowed for the fact that they were viewed in the same way by the man in the relationship. They had NO clue about anything the man was really saying in any of their examples. But for them it wasn’t the focal point. They just wanted to be understood and weren’t interested in understanding.

But everyone is like that. The issue is that a guy usually doesn’t make a huge deal when a woman doesn’t understand. He just takes it for what it is and keeps it moving. So bit by bit when he is bombarded about being stupid and not being able to read signs, the demotion process begins to speed up. And it’s kind of funny but the whole time a guy is being hammered with that, the woman that does the hammering is building the biggest relationship sign of them all… ‘absence’.

There is a way to be understood…explain yourself in clear terms. There is a way to understand…listen. The truth about it is, if you can do those two things then you will stay a Valentine.

All Is Fair

All is fair in love and war right? No. That’s one of the dumbest things I have ever heard. Sounds like someone was trying to justify some mess. When someone loves you it is completely unfair to recognize that and purposefully do things to hurt them. And regardless of how we prosecute wars at this point in history, you are actually supposed to kill everyone until the other people surrender. So how silly is it to pick who you shoot and leave the survivors to rally? Who cares about the women and children? The world does…that’s why that quote makes no sense to me. All is not fair in either one of those things. So this ‘got’ me to thinking….

---I fully understand that you might not agree with me but I stand by my statements. I am NOT talking about anything physical whatsoever---

I’ll tell you when all is fair. When you are FIGHTING! Before you get any ideas let me make myself clear. I’m talking about when you are in a relationship and it finally gets to that point. You know when after a long time and a lot of things have happened that last little stupid thing just gets it popping. That’s when the fight starts in earnest. See all of the side comments and hints were only the pushing before the blows. Again, I’m NOT talking about physical blows or hitting in a literal way. I’m talking about when that button is pushed and it’s time for some verbal furniture moving. At those points in our lives, that is when we can finally get some of that rage out of our inner being. When the two parties actually love each other, they know that during the fight it’s all going to come out. They both recognize the battle and actually need to let off some steam so that the burden of hurt can be removed. Those are the best and only times in a relationship, to let it all hang out there because there is a fight going on. That is when you can, without fear of retribution, say all of the horrible things that you have been thinking. There are no rules in fighting.

I said all of that to show how that course of action is just as dumb as the quote I started with. I also said that because that’s something that most people can identify with. Most of us are guilty of bottling hurt and anger until that moment when we unleash. It is at that precise moment where our actions become unfair to the other party.

It is not possible for any person to weather the storm of bottled up hard feelings. If we are honest about it, most people have a hard time even listening to one thing at a time. So is there really any good in investing in the expectation of someone to sit and be railroaded by things that should have been discussed when they happened? No. Issues should be discussed in an appropriate yet time sensitive manner so that they do not blend and mesh with other issues that are sure to come. We all stand a better chance of having resolution and closure if we calmly approach issues one at a time while it can reasonably be called a current event. Notice I said a better chance and not a good one. People still don’t want to listen.

 The truth about it is, “all is fair” are three words that shouldn’t be anywhere in close proximity to love, war, or fighting.

His Wandering Eyes

I’m about to let you know about some man stuff if you are not a man, but if a man actually reads this he will know I’m speaking the truth. Understand that in order to release this information I had to go to the tribe of men elders and ask them to grant me permission to tell man stuff. The meeting will reconvene after they read my blog.

Over the years I have found myself caught in situations where the argument revolved around who or what somebody was looking at. The argument didn’t always involve me either! That issue has probably been around since the second woman. Not sure whether he was looking or she thought he was, but I’m sure somebody said something...not a lot of clothes back then.

If you want a simple answer to the question…yes he was looking at her. That is not a reason to be upset. Men are visual beings, meaning that we achieve gratification when we observe nice looking things. Men give the once over to cars, guns, tools, technology (phones & computers), and yes…women too. We, men, appreciate well put together items. We admire the magnificence of a television. We drool over the curves of a favorite sports car. And we do like the look of a nice looking lady.

I need to put a pin right here.

There is a difference between a look and an optical molestation of a sexual nature. A look does not ooze disrespect, even if the moment is inopportune; like right when she looks at him to make eye contact. (cringes)

Taking pin out.

 Men actually believe that women dress up and attempt to look good so that people will look at them. Men and women. We have all heard the story about how the woman wants to look good for herself. Blah, blah, blah… Looking good is an outward gesture. The only way it could satisfy anyone is by convincing them that they have met the standards of the outside world. People, men and women, make a point to look their best so other people will see. So that other people will appreciate it. So that other people will find them to be attractive and inviting. That is the whole point. It is the same reason that they include skin in so many advertisements and television shows. I don’t want to get into a discussion about all of that though. I’m just talking about when a man looks.

I have heard too many women get upset because she happened to catch her man’s eye when he just happened to be looking at another woman. Ok…waiting for the horror….still no sign of it…what’s the big deal? Nothing. There is no big deal when a man looks at a nice looking woman. If he starts drooling, then maybe there’s a problem. If you walk into a room and her pictures are all over the wall then it’s an issue worth looking at. If you find the woman in his closet then he is probably guilty of something. If he looks at her, then it’s normal. The truth about it is, it’s probably just his wandering eyes.

From The Outside In

A few months ago I was watching the man channel (ESPN) and I ended up catching an interview with a famous basketball player. He was giving an account of one of his most famous shots and it struck me as being really odd. I really don’t want to get into names because people will swear I’m hating… You know you can’t say anything about someone’s basketball hero without hearing about stat lines and amazing shots…(shaking…fighting it…struggling)..ok.. It was Magic Johnson. Magic Erving Johnson hall of fame NBA all-star and Olympic champion. He gets all his props (even though the game was ugly!). Well he was going over a last minute shot that he took over the Boston Celtics back in the 80’s. I don’t remember the exact quote but he said something like, “I faked to the right, then I faked to the left…I saw that the help defense was coming so I faked a pass. I glanced at the clock. Then I jab stepped to get some room, gave a couple head fakes, and went for the win”.

Nice story and he did make the basket. The only problem is that I have seen the video of that play and it wasn’t ANYTHING like that. He had the ball on the left side of the court. He took four or five steps and threw up one of the ugliest hook shots in NBA history. There wasn’t any faking and jab steps and pass fakes. It was four or five steps and then the ugly. Like I said I give him all his props and because he was a baller it went in and they won the game. Congrats. That’s not the point here. The point is that with all of his basketball credentials and awards, he had no idea what happened….or at least didn’t know what he looked like. So of course this ‘got’ me to thinking…..

Sometimes when we are inside of a situation, because we are a participant in the action, we actually have no idea what we look like when we are doing our thing. Wow…I just hurt my own feelings a little. Hold on a minute....ok I’m back. I would push further and say that when emotions are running at a fevered pitch, we don’t have a clue as to what we look like. You might be able to catch yourself, but catching your running mouth in mid-stride does not mean that you haven’t already run too far. I have had very interesting conversations with people who appear to be highly intelligent and capable of intellectual discernment only to find that they begin to behave like small children when they are upset. They hurl insults and begin to criticize, with much vigor and wrath, the very things that they do just because it has happened to them. In other words, they can throw a stone but have a glass body.

I’m going down to the next level and this is the hard part. Even when we notice things about what someone is doing and how horrible it actually is, we have to realize that our only vantage point is one from the outside. There is a strategic advantage in that. You can see what someone is doing better from a distance than the person who is doing whatever can see it. Everybody on the court saw that ugly move and shot Magic did. He thought there was great beauty in the look of it. It is the same thing with us and our own behavior. We can see exactly what that other person is doing. We can tell them all about how sorry and horrible they are. And I would say that we have every right to tell someone when what they have done really, really sucks. But we also have to remember that the other party has the same strategic advantage that we have. They too are able to monitor our behavior from the outside. We can see them, but they can see us as well. Now what we have to do is decide if what we are showing is worthy of viewing pleasure or should our little show be canceled.

Now I can’t tell anyone how to live , but the truth about it is, if we all looked at our actions from the outside in then things would be a lot smoother.

Check the Mirror Before You Go

The other day when I was using my computer I had to pause and reflect. I remember thinking that these things did not have these capabilities when I was first exposed to them. There was this program called LOGO and we could type in really basic computer codes and get the cursor to make something. The screen was completely green. Oh yeah, and we were able to type words and play games. There was no such thing as the internet and no way to actually see someone and talk to them in any way. I’m dating myself (like my b-day not on here). Anyway the thought that I had was that the new capabilities of computers actually allow for greater expectations. What I mean is these things were probably not created to do all this, but through scientific breakthroughs and inventions and advances in technology specific ideas, we now expect them to do all this amazing new stuff. In that, we have actually changed the purpose of the creation or tool. So of course this ‘got’ me to thinking…

How many things were created for an initial purpose, only to have that purpose changed throughout the course of time? Don’t even know how many things I could list but my mind is drawn to one thing in particular. It’s not an expensive item and everyone has one to use. We have more than likely changed the perfect purpose in our quest for beauty and ever growing levels of arrogance. I’m talking about that good old mirror.

For some reason, I have the feeling deep down inside that the mirror was created to provide us with an otherwise difficult or impossible to obtain opportunity.  That is the chance to look in our own eyes. Looking in the mirror is the only living still shot we have to look deep into our own eyes and to make sure that we like what we see. It’s commonly said that eyes are the windows to one’s soul. If you haven’t taken a deep, long, inquisitive, and informative look into your windows, I challenge you to this revealing feat. This ‘got’ me to thinking about what a person should be prepared for if they haven’t done it in a while….

The first thing you will notice will be age. Not age in years, but progression in wisdom. If you need a reminder then I urge you to look into the eyes of a child 5 years old or younger. That will give you a reference point. When you look in your own, notice how the sights you have seen have taken a toll on that innocence. It’s not necessarily because of the things you have seen, but a lot of times it’s because of the things we have done. The problem is that we know it all. Those eyes often times tell a story.

Standing in the mirror and looking ourselves eye to eye is our only chance to check the most important signal of all interpersonal communication. Think about it, no one has to say that a person is untrustworthy if they can never look you in your eyes. When someone can’t look you in your eyes during an explanation there is a good chance that you are being lied to. If eye contact can only be maintained for a short period of time, in many cases there is shame in there somewhere. Eyes show happiness and love but they also show hurt, anger, betrayal, and disappointment---I remember when I was young my mother could look at me and I could tell if I was pushing it, made her upset, or was about to get a naked butt-whooping (slight exaggeration…Hi Mom!)---Anyway…it’s no different when we look into our own eyes. They will show the same thing to us that we see in the eyes of others. For that matter: What could be worse than having to stare at yourself in a mirror after you had done something wrong? Depending on the dirty deed that could be a lot worse than prison.

I know, or at least I have to believe that someone invented a mirror just to make someone look in their own eyes while they were telling a lie. And here we are all these years later, we all have mirrors, and we only use them to make sure we are looking good. I’m just going to declare this as a fact: We have changed the purpose of the mirror. It’s not always easy to look in the mirror so this may help. If you can’t look in the mirror when you get home at least check the mirror before you go somewhere else. The truth about it is, there is someone waiting to tell you all about yourself.