You Got ‘Em Pregnant

This one goes out to everyone in the entire functional world! (Some people for various reasons are not functional) It’s rare that I have a thought big enough to consider it relevant to the entire world, but I think I may have stumbled upon one.

Now we all know who gets who pregnant. If you don’t know that one then send me an email or something so I can counsel you through a wealth of information. But here it’s about who gets what pregnant. Everyone in the functional world is tasked with making certain things we call decisions. We have to decide a multitude of things on an hourly level. Unless we are asleep, then the decision making process is an ongoing process. It’s the never-ending app that drains the batteries of our souls. Some may think that decisions equal results and that’s how the world works. I say wait one minute…it’s not that easy.

I don’t believe we even actually make decisions. That would mean that as an individual we have a say so in all that will happen from that action. I believe there is a difference in thinking you are making a decision and actually impregnating a choice. That’s right. We are not making decisions we are getting our choices pregnant.

The gestation of the choice embryo varies in every pregnancy and many times the due dates happen at the same time in different time zones and locations. There is no way to be around for every live birth but you’d better believe that it has been recorded somewhere. Oh the horror of having to take care of offspring that age faster and get sassy quicker than their twin. It is the saddest event, to watch some of the newly born wither before your very eyes. How strange it is to see the birth of something that is old and wrinkled upon entry into the world. How heartbreaking it is for one of them to grow from being such a beautiful little one to becoming a horrid beast at maturity. It is so out of place watching the birth of a pubescent decision. How tiring it is to keep up with all of them at the same time. But there is still a worse reality that lies ahead…

The offspring, for the most part, quickly reproduce and usually it is at an alarming rate. These are not bunnies or fish, these are the most prolific creation of all time. They are our choices and each one of us is responsible for the offspring that comes from us.

The truth about it is, the next time you start complaining about everything happening you should look at those fine and sexy choices and realize that you got ‘em pregnant.

Those Luscious Lips

Everyone has lips…ok there are a few exceptions, but I’m making a generalization so I hope I didn’t offend the lipless. There are juicy lips, thin lips, big lips, hard lips, brown lips, and those funny pink lips where you know something just ain’t right. Needless to say that I could ramble on about lips for quite a while, but it’s the luscious lips that I want to focus on.

I’m talking about the lips that are so pleasing to your sight and feel so good when they are on you that you almost don’t even hear the crap that comes from them. The lips that can kiss you goodnight but yet provide a hiding place for the forked tongue of the devil. It is of those luscious lips that I speak.

I wonder if I am the only person who has recognized the trick in those lips…I can’t be. We all know someone who has them. I believe that if you don’t know anyone with luscious lips then you are the person that I am talking about. In either case here are a few statements that will help you if you are confused.

You know you have luscious lips when: you have to remember what you said and not what happened.

You know you have luscious lips when: you are the star in every story you tell.

You know you have luscious lips when: you can offer no proof or facts supporting the things you say.

You know you have luscious lips when: you have no true friends.

You know you have luscious lips when: everyone in your inner circle has a different version of the same events in your life.

You know you have luscious lips when: you look in the mirror and know in your own heart that you lie... consistently.

The truth about it is, I will take my lips any way but luscious.

Who Can I Trust

Everybody has asked this question. And I’m willing to bet that most people were asking themselves the question. The major issue with you asking yourself this question is that not having the information readily available means it’s going to be hard to find the answer.  A person would need at least one of these things and probably all:   some confessing, counseling, and soul searching. That’s the issue. The major flaw with you asking yourself that question is that there is no answer. That’s right…no answer.

Certain questions can only be answered when they are complete. “What am I going to….?” to WHAT? Eat, wear, see, find, do? “How do you….?” How do I what? I could answer if I knew what was being asked. It’s the same thing with “Who can I trust….?” Trust when, with what, to do what, for how long?

I don’t believe that all people aren’t honorable or that nobody is trustworthy, I believe that trust is too easily bruised in relation to the time it takes to mature. Listen…it feels like robbery because the minute you drive your car off of the car it depreciates and you lose roughly 20% of the value. That is bad. But it pales in comparison the trust depreciation of a friend who, in many ways, drives off of our lot. I bet it’s more than 20%. Now if that same car were to breakdown shortly after the warranty period then we would do everything humanly possible to get it back up and running at 100%. Once the trust is broken down we are more likely to let it rust and decay in the barn than we are to get it serviced AND there is no warranty period. The newer the relationship when the trust is damaged, the easier it is to bounce (leave).

Inevitably, on some level, the trust in any relationship is bound to be shaken if not stirred so I guess the poignant question becomes: Why does it always happen? It happens because no one can live, operate, or understand the way we would like them to at all times and that always leads to differences in judgments. Judgments on opposing sides yield different results. In the case of relationships both people are never ALWAYS in agreement and perceived errors in judgment or bad results lead to trust issues.

IF

You(I) let it happen. You(I) keep issues unresolved. You(I) fail to communicate effectively. You(I) lie. You(I) can read minds.

I do need to clear some things up. I am not talking about the horrific events and lies that deserve expulsion from life. I am not suggesting that anyone put up with those outrageous breaches of trust and violations of the extreme type. Some people just really do not deserve to remain in the friend/acquaintance bracket. My only advice is to be cautious and only make important decisions after calming down and thinking about it thoroughly. I’m really only referencing those times when we overreact to some trust weight lifting just because someone worked us out. Get tough. Then get over it.

The truth about it is…If you don’t already know who you can trust then it’s going to be a process. 

Now Why Did You Say Jesus Died?

First things first, I’m not a preacher. I have never received any theological training and Lord knows I’m a sinner, but I do spend time thinking about things. I do understand that you may not agree with me and as always you should feel free to comment.

I have been in church all of my life. For years now I have heard that Jesus died for our sins. When you spend some time thinking about it, at a certain point you realize that is a true statement. We, as Christians, are saved from sin through the pain and suffering that Jesus endured on the cross. Maybe it was his actual blood that was spilled that washed us or maybe it was his utterance of forgive them for they know not what they do that covers us. Either way it goes, we all know that Jesus died for our sins.

For our sins…I wrestle with that a little. Actually a lot. Not because I don’t believe but because it is such an intangible sort of thing. When I push it a little further or push it down the wrong way I would also say that particular teaching can and has been abused to make everything alright. See if Jesus died for our sins, then what I have done or about to do is ok. Jesus has it covered. At this point I could go down the social path and point out a bunch of problems but I have another point here.

I believe that if we only focus on one reason for His dying then we have lost a valuable lesson. Probably the most valuable lesson in terms of humanity. We must remember that God allowed Himself to be shown in a form of spirituality and humanity that we could relate to. I believe that form was offered just as much for deeds as it was symbolism. Symbolism is so subjective and without proper training you could misunderstand much but I’m going to stretch out so here goes.

Along with dying for our sins, He also died for show. Not for the show that we talk about when showing off or wearing clothes to church, but to actually show us what we are capable of. If someone literally crucified us we would die. The pain, loss of blood, and the broken legs inflicted on those that lived would take anyone out of here. The piercing of the side with a spear and thorns would make us pass out. Science has revealed that maybe the juice used to give him drink had a somewhat suppressive effect but surely the effect wore off after a while. That death could only be categorized as the worst.

But can you honestly look at your life and say you have never been symbolically crucified? Have the words of others ever pierced your sides and made you bleed? Have the deeds of some or the hurt brought about by others ever nailed you to your cross? Has your head ever been adorned with thorns from bullying and words from those that have no empathy? I have been through that and if I continue to live will go through it again.

But the show gives me just as much hope and peace as the fact that He died for my sins. Believing in the show gives me strength to carry my cross up that hill. It gives me tough skin when I encounter nails. I believe it provides me tweezers and tools to remove the splinters from my back. I believe that it provides casts and shape when my legs are smashed by dream killers and agents of destruction. I believe that it gives me the strength to forgive others when they don’t know what they do. I believe the show reminds me that I will live again. It wasn’t just for my sins. The truth about it is, it was just as much for the example. Don’t miss all of the points focusing on one.

So tell me again…now why did Jesus die?

Facebook Walkers, Talkers, and Stalkers

Most of us fall into one of these categories. I would just like to take a moment and offer a few words on them. I understand that you may not agree with the following statements. I hold them to be true and would offer the comment section for rebuttal.

Facebook Walkers- This category is the largest one. It consists of the casual facebooker. The person who uploads some pics and makes a few comments. The person who posts decent responses to the comments of facebook friends. On occasion, people in this category do vent and respond emotionally, but in most circumstances it’s a passing phase and life begins anew on the next day with calmer posts. Facebook walkers check up on old friends and people they think are attractive. They keep up with current events, post links, participate in silly games, and generally use FB for what it is for. The facebook walker may not do any of these things. They may only log in every week or so, but even the most casual facebook user would fall into this category. These facebook walkers stroll about facebook as a social media participant sometimes looking for fun, sometimes looking to make a point, sometimes to talk too much, and sometimes to even solicit responses. They are usually the most innocent creatures even though they may stray and become mischievous from time to time.

Facebook Talkers- These people begin their journey as facebook walkers, but the amount of information coupled with the compulsion to flap lips (gossip) is too much to bear. Some facebook walkers become gremlinized. They indulge themselves in the late night hours with the juicy morsels of innocent facebookers who make posts. The innocents do not know they are turning weak walkers into evil facebook talkers, so they bear no responsibility for feeding them. The greedy newly emerged facebook talker, somehow immune to the rays of the sun, bursts into the new day with only one mission. The mission is to spread the news to the most inappropriate people before the next feeding. These are horrid little creatures and should be called out for their atrocities before they attack others. Do not be fooled by these small but rabid beasts. They will tell you that the transmission of the information was accidental or done by another, but again I stress to not be fooled. They lie. These hellions are found hiding in every corner of life. They could be people you once trusted, church folks, peers, and even family members.  

Still the progression worsens.

Facebook Stalkers- This last and final category is the most dangerous. At first glance they appear to be facebook talkers. They exhibit all of the signs of the talkers but there is one awful trait that sets them apart. They need hosts. This is an awful trait because not only is the attention unwanted and bothersome, but it is focused and can become scary. These are the people that text and call strangers just because their number was on the info. These are the people that respond most inappropriately to pics and post indecencies to the wall and inbox of their hosts. They do not understand no. The facebook stalker, because of the facebook talker stage, will use information to get close to the host. Once entertained, any effort to rid them of the parasite will result in immediate attack upon the host by the facebook stalker. They may even try to friend your acquaintances and family. Not only should these bandits be called out, but they should be unfriended and reported. The situation can get out of hand quickly. The longer the stalker is attached, the harder it is to free the host. Remember, love (even FB love) can be scary, but is never creepy.

The truth about it is, there are facebook walkers, talkers, and stalkers. Examine yourself. You are either cute and fuzzy or a monster from the bowels of the ugliest purgatory raising hell in the life of people who don’t want you around. (hint, hint)