They Will Believe You

I’m amazed at times by the way adults handle affairs. Business affairs, personal affairs, social affairs… whatever type of affair it is you can always count on at least one adult to cut a fool. That means that someone will behave inappropriately. It never fails. It never ends either. After displaying characteristics that are out of order, that same person always has a problem with the way they are perceived.

For most of my life I have been told and believed that the first impression was the most important and lasting image of that could be displayed. Don’t get me wrong; making a good first impression does go a long way. That will be the measurement by which someone else views you after a first meeting. That is why we make it a point, or at least should make it a point, to dress up and speak in a correct fashion at interviews and if at all possible when we meet someone we might be attracted to. It is sort of embarrassing to be caught in a situation that calls for impressions and we are not impressive. But at this point in my life I have come to the realization that there is usually something else behind every short life lesson.

“Make a good first impression” is wonderful, but what about the rest of the time? How much weight can be put into a first impression if the conclusions from it are found to be false? Remember, we are talking about impressions and not tricks. Anyone can act right for a short time or until “we get to know each other”, but that cannot be considered as an impression. That would be more like an impersonation and even the best impersonators do falter under long term scrutiny.

The point I am pushing is that first impressions only last until the second time you meet. It’s easier to put your best foot forward if you have two good feet to choose from. The benefits of being a good person far outweigh the fool’s gold resulting from the acceptance of faking or fooling someone. If you really want to impress someone…just be a good person and stop with all of the charades.

If you make a good impression they will believe you are the person you present, but the truth about it is, they will believe you every time you present yourself.

I’m Dying

My family has been touched by the hand of death many times in the past several years. It’s always a tough and uncomfortable time because you have to deal with grief and then a true family shows concern for the ones closest to the departed (hopefully without smothering). The older we get, the more people we will lose. There is no way around it. It’s not up for debate. Another fact related to getting older is that we eventually have to come to terms with our own mortality. Even if we live an extended life and break the world record for being the oldest person, death is coming.

So technically when I say I’m dying, I’m right. I don’t believe anyone has the power to accurately predict the demise of people, but I can say that every passing minute is another number in the countdown for everyone alive…just don’t know what number it started on or what number just ticked off the clock.

So what options do I have? Believe it or not, even with imminent death by unforeseen circumstances hovering, my options still abound in large number. This is the same, or roughly close to the same line of logic that leads people to create bucket lists. I, on the other hand, have decided on a different approach. Since I have accepted my death sentence, I have decided to live. There isn’t a list long enough or all-encompassing enough to contain that.

I’m not talking about eating, breathing, and all that stuff. That’s maintaining and not living. I’m talking about really living. That means I have to tirelessly pursue dreams. I have to risk things. I have to create and execute plans. I have to remember my goals as I wade through business dealings. I have to eat fear and swallow pride in order to make it closer to the realization of those dreams. I have to rebuke the spirits of procrastination, laziness, and dysfunction. I have to be forceful and resolute when assessing my self-worth. I have to make sure that relationships are worthy and rewarding. I have to keep my wits and expand my knowledge base. I have to accept the absolute and make changes to the provisional. I have to protect my earnings and push for bigger returns on my investment. I have to be ready.

I believe that in some ways, most people feel like this. I could be wrong but I doubt it. We all have emotions and feelings. We all have wants and needs. We all have dreams and goals. We all have different approaches to life and happiness, but the truth about it is, we only have a limited amount of time to do anything. I don’t know about you but I know I’m dying…….so I’m living.

Bring The Slap Back

Many times when I write a blog I try to do something fancy with the title. I guess I want people to read to see what I’m talking about this time. This is not one of those times. Before I get started I must say that:

I, James Jonathan French, in no way endorse any particular tactic or strategy when dealing with other people.

We need to bring the slap back. It’s gone and its meaning has been manipulated and distorted over time. Now it is an act of violence. You could get expelled from school or sent to jail. Where I used to live a slap was the most disrespectful thing you could publicly do to someone. It’s seen as a method of attack and aggression. OK but….

I remember when I first knew what a slap was. It wasn’t from attacking someone or disrespecting someone…maybe I’m just getting old but I remember when people used to get slapped for their own good. A guy would slap another guy and say “Get a hold of yourself man!” A lady would slap another lady for being disrespectful and use that slap to remind her of her place. People would get slapped when other people thought they had “gone mad.” They would slap them first and then ask “Have you gone mad???” I guess they had to be slapped straight enough to answer the question in a truthful manner.

I said all this to say I have reached a point in my life where I think the slap might need to be making a comeback. At this point I have come to know too many people and even entities that could use a good slap. I don’t want to harm anyone. It is not my purpose to display aggression. This needs to be done for the good of them that deserve a slapping.

Think about it. Most people can easily identify people who need to be slapped. If you focus on who needs to be slapped there will be one name that pops into your mind first and seem to block you from thinking of a whole lot of people at once. Two things: If you can’t really think of anyone or you are able to think of many different individuals rapidly then you are the person who needs to be slapped and that’s the truth about it.

(that’s weird huh?)

I Know Who You Are, I Just Don’t Give..

Wow…I know what popped into my mind. I am somewhat ashamed of the admission but that is the truth. It makes me think about how some things go together but don’t necessarily have to. I mean that thought could be finished in many ways. It could be: give my time to just anyone and that should show you how much I care. It could be: give my phone number out like that. Or it could even be: give any attention to people when they are out of line. But more than likely it will be: give a #&@! And of course this ‘got’ me to thinking.

What could possibly make someone get to that place? (drum roll……) When one person in a relationship is trying to make the other person bow down to status.

In an effort to make this simple I will say this. Think about every time you have ever gone anywhere and the person working there, for whatever reason, seemed to go out of their way to be a prick about everything just because they could. Like the lady in the gas station refusing to sell me beer because I’m of age but she had the right to refuse because I laughed when she asked for my I.D…. I’m 35. Or when someone in any position of authority abuses it by talking down to people and belittling them as though they aren’t really people. No one should speak down to anyone but it becomes especially tragic when the subject is forced to listen because of rank or status unless it’s the military. The instance I hate most is when someone in a relationship creates drama just to be attended to. If that has never happened to you then you should get out more. And as with most common things like that, I still say if you don’t know anyone like that then you are probably that person.

If you are truly with someone, you shouldn’t try to make the other person prove it. I’m not talking about FB statuses and pics, I’m talking about testing people to qualify your status. There is no need to fake a problem or to be disgruntled because he is out with the guys or she is out with the girls to see if the other person will forsake a good time to tend to your fake needs or trumped up problems. You should NEVER fake an illness to see what kind of care you will receive. False cries of distress to see what the response time is will never be an accurate tool for measuring importance. A story already exists about that character….it’s called The Boy Who Cried Wolf. Remember at the end all was lost because nobody believed there was a wolf because he faked it so many times before. It will be the same result when the other party quits taking the tests that are designed for qualifications of status.

The truth about it is, if you continue to test your partner they will (in so many words or ways) say, “I know who you are… I just don’t give a #&@!

Real Men Work

Whoever you are, I am so glad that you are reading this. The thing I like about telling the truth (at least how I see it) is that it allows me to address certain things and by writing some of this stuff down I am able to read back through and hone my philosophies when it comes to life. I also hope that through some of explanations and I am able to help somebody along the way by offering a different or hidden perspective. For various reasons, this one hits close to home so here it is.

Statement: Real men work.

The truth about it: If you ever used that while talking to your man, brother, cousin, husband, or friend then reflect on how that worked out for you. Not so good huh? I know it. That’s because it’s stupid. Not a stupid statement but a stupid way to go about motivating someone. Now that I have that out of the way I can get to the real meat of my point.

Every man works. Whatever a man does to generate his income is his work. Some men have it all laid out for them and don't have to worry. Some men settle into nice jobs after college and secondary degres. For some men it involves chasing illusive dreams. Some men hustle money from family, close friends, and associates. Still other men generate income from illegal activities. The way he does his work may not be right. The income he generates may not be sufficient to support a family. He may forever chase his dreams and not quite reach that large payday. He may be ostracized from the family for being a crook. Either way it goes, technically speaking most men do work in some type of way. When is the last time you saw a man who didn’t work die on the side of the road naked and starved to death? There is some type of work being done somewhere.

It must be understood that there is a difference between men who AREN’T working and men who DON’T work. Real men work. Right. So that also means that they get laid off, penalized, fired, injured, and passed over for promotion. Those are the things that happen in the life of most men who AREN’T working. If you find yourself with someone who DOESN’T work, that is not a new development. They DIDN’T work when you met them and they WON'T start because you are in the picture. More than likely, reality will set in and some type of employment will be sought but it’s a developmental type of thing and can’t be forced…especially by talking trash.

Real men work, but the truth about it is, every man works you just have to decide if you can deal with his job.

Easy To Get Hurt; Easier To Get Hurt Again

I either had to do some type of dual title or do two blogs. Since they are so closely related I decided to just make it one…and keep it concise. As always, feel free to offer any information to the contrary of what I am about to say.

If you are in a relationship you will get hurt. I don’t need three points to back that statement up or anything because some things are powerful enough to stand alone. That’s one of them. We get hurt because we expect people to meet certain standards and they don’t always measure up…we don’t always measure up. The interesting is that we are not always hurt by the shortcomings of our relationship partner. Most times the transgressions are overlooked because life goes on, but every so often we are touched in a soft spot.

I define a “soft spot” as an experience in life that caused and deposited emotional damage and scarring. If someone is yelled at and damaged because of it as a child, when their partner raises his/her voice then everything blows up. If a child experiences the pain of abandonment and never recovers, when his/her partner stays away too long there are going to be words exchanged. If a child’s view of household roles is bound by violence and those experiences scar that child, threats will be taken on a literal level. And so on and so on… AND the scarring doesn’t have to take place during childhood. Depending on who you choose, it could last straight through the rest of your life.

The bad part about having soft spots is that we usually have no way of controlling the things that emotionally and mentally scar us. The damage usually comes through the experience of a situation. An even worse part about having soft spots is that unless we are willing to be honest about the causes and then make an effort to consider them in our decision making process, they will never develop the same toughness as the rest of our lives. Still what makes having soft spots even worse than every other bad thing I mentioned, is how we respond when someone touches one of ours.

We should find or make ways to deal with issues and situations that hurt us and leave emotional scars. Not dealing with them causes soft spots/weaknesses in our ability to deal with others without preconditions. It’s easy to get hurt but the truth about it is, it’s easier to get hurt again if you aren’t willing to face the pain.