Easy To Get Hurt; Easier To Get Hurt Again

I either had to do some type of dual title or do two blogs. Since they are so closely related I decided to just make it one…and keep it concise. As always, feel free to offer any information to the contrary of what I am about to say.

If you are in a relationship you will get hurt. I don’t need three points to back that statement up or anything because some things are powerful enough to stand alone. That’s one of them. We get hurt because we expect people to meet certain standards and they don’t always measure up…we don’t always measure up. The interesting is that we are not always hurt by the shortcomings of our relationship partner. Most times the transgressions are overlooked because life goes on, but every so often we are touched in a soft spot.

I define a “soft spot” as an experience in life that caused and deposited emotional damage and scarring. If someone is yelled at and damaged because of it as a child, when their partner raises his/her voice then everything blows up. If a child experiences the pain of abandonment and never recovers, when his/her partner stays away too long there are going to be words exchanged. If a child’s view of household roles is bound by violence and those experiences scar that child, threats will be taken on a literal level. And so on and so on… AND the scarring doesn’t have to take place during childhood. Depending on who you choose, it could last straight through the rest of your life.

The bad part about having soft spots is that we usually have no way of controlling the things that emotionally and mentally scar us. The damage usually comes through the experience of a situation. An even worse part about having soft spots is that unless we are willing to be honest about the causes and then make an effort to consider them in our decision making process, they will never develop the same toughness as the rest of our lives. Still what makes having soft spots even worse than every other bad thing I mentioned, is how we respond when someone touches one of ours.

We should find or make ways to deal with issues and situations that hurt us and leave emotional scars. Not dealing with them causes soft spots/weaknesses in our ability to deal with others without preconditions. It’s easy to get hurt but the truth about it is, it’s easier to get hurt again if you aren’t willing to face the pain.