Am I Really Talking?

#thatawkwardmoment when someone asks me what I said and I realize that I was talking out loud (aloud). Every time that happens I immediately realize that there is no way I could possibly explain what I was thinking. I have tried several times but it never works out the right way. And there are many times that I wouldn’t dare repeat what I said word for word because it was just that bad. This blog is supposed to be about truth right? Right. Well in the interest of full disclosure I have been known to verbally let it rip. I’m embarrassed to say it but it feels therapeutic sometimes.

Oh how I could embellish the rush I experience while murmuring horrid things as I walk away from some situations and towards others. I might blank going either way. A counselor told me that I have a low tolerance for mistreatment and perceived injustice (as if I am supposed to love those things), but her point was that whenever I encounter those situations I need to learn when to pick my battles and not raise the hounds of hell EVERY time. She was right. So now, every so often, I do it outside of the venue or I murmur to myself.

Ok. That’s enough of my stuff because that wasn’t supposed to be the topic of discussion. I was actually talking about the times when the whole thought you attempted to convey or the whole presidential address you just made goes straight past, over, or through the person who should have been listening…or you thought possessed the capacity to listen. I reference those moments when the misunderstanding is so utterly ridiculous and far-fetched that you are confused by the confusion you caused. I speak of the times when you make it a point to explain yourself on a gut and honest and simple level and the person you are talking to reacts like a frightened opossum and mentally plays dead. It is at those particular moments that I wonder if I’m really talking.

I wonder if I’m really talking or only making the same sound as Charlie Brown’s teacher. I often give the offending person a good look to see if I notice anything. I always check to see if the ears are present on the sides of the head. I try to maintain some level of eye contact during the process in case of eye flutters and rapid blinking. I have even found myself looking at a person’s head to see if I could make out what was going on in there. On rare occasions I have even offered to draw pictures. I have never noticed a physical abnormality and no one ever wanted me to draw a picture.

What I did notice EVERY time is that they didn’t really want to listen.

The truth about it is I’m talking. Sometimes I need to speak more clearly and sometimes my conversational audience needs to be upgraded.