Stay A Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day! I pray that this day finds you wrapped in love and surrounded by happy feelings in the presence of that special person. I think that is what people want on February 14 of any year. I’m not a day celebrating kind of person. Not a Grinch or anything, but my dad had several brothers and sisters and his dad was the only person that worked in that household (back in the day). I imagine that celebrating holidays for all those people was a luxury that couldn’t be afforded much. Anyway I believe that some of the behavior carried over because my immediate family didn’t do a whole lot of celebrating. We had excellent holidays and still do! We get together and eat THE BEST food (everybody thinks that…but we really do). And we got a lot of toys for Christmas as small kids. We didn’t do too much for birthdays and such, and amount of Christmas presents fell off like they were a part of the 5 Heartbeats at that banquet. But they were all great holidays and I wouldn’t change a thing (except for that 9.6v RC car that I wanted). Oh no, please don’t be sad for me…I’m like that too. In general I feel that people put too much stock in holidays that are occurring at the moment and holidays that are off in the near future. Think about it. My birthday is going to be the best one ever. Oh we are going to have fun on Thanksgiving. I can’t wait till Christmas. Oh thank you for my Valentine’s Day gift! What if there is a tragedy on your date of birth? What if you don’t have fun at Thanksgiving? What if you don’t make it to Christmas? What if your gift never comes or it sucks? Messed up everything huh? Well it wouldn’t if you weren’t so anxious and excited about it. LOL! If you had been assessing your accomplishments, giving thanks, praising the Lord, and meditating about love everything would have been ok. You should be so excited about life and show love like it’s your last day anyway. ---But I do have a daughter in 2012 and she wins the “get daddy to celebrate” crown (they don’t care how you feel about it…and it better be fun too!). And I love it!

-I digress- This is about Valentine’s Day and there is a new truth to be told. Of course this may not apply to every reader and you should feel free to comment if you feel that I am wrong on this. You should know that I stand by it though…

If you are considered a Valentine, then you should make sure that you stay a Valentine. There is a difference between being a valentine and being a Valentine. See the difference? The difference in life is just as easy to slip by you as the phrase above this one. The things that result in demotion are not as easy to ignore. Now I can only speak from the perspective of a man so here it goes.

At one point in every serious relationship, a man views his mate as the most beautiful, most amazing, most compatible, most “everything else good” in the world. His Valentine is a title that goes without saying. The most annoying ways and stupid habits only make him smile and want to come over. He might not even say anything because men don’t usually talk about that kind of stuff. I’m just telling you how we do.

Basically the problems come in and the foundation gets shaky because we (men) begin to feel like our acceptance and tolerance of those ways and habits doesn’t find that same kind of home. I actually sat in on a conversation between two women. Both were attractive in their own right and single. I am sure that both of them were someone’s Valentine many different times throughout life. But maybe the subject of the conversation will help. For thirty minutes I listened to them rag on about how they were upset because some man didn’t understand what they meant. They talked about how men couldn’t read signs. Another branch of the conversation was that men in general just didn’t know how to get things right. By the end they had painted a picture of a pretty decrepit tree…like one off those horror movies up on a hill.

The whole problem was they were right in many things that they said. Men don’t always understand the language of women. We don’t fare so well when it comes to reading signs. And no we don’t always get things right. The topics were sooo right that it even applied to them. It was just as noticeable as their aging figures and graying hairs and they couldn’t even see it. Never once did they stop to wonder whether they understood the guy. Not one time. Even the times when I tried to interject what the guy was actually saying they just jumped all over the info and said even dumber things. And they all started with, “Yeah, but.” So busy trying to down men for not understanding that they had demoted themselves in every relationship from Valentine to valentine. Someone that might be thought of instead of a focal point.

Because they are attractive they always stand a chance of getting attention on Valentine’s Day. Hell because they are women they stand a chance of getting attention on that day. But it’s not known if it’s coming even if it is expected. They never allowed for the fact that they were viewed in the same way by the man in the relationship. They had NO clue about anything the man was really saying in any of their examples. But for them it wasn’t the focal point. They just wanted to be understood and weren’t interested in understanding.

But everyone is like that. The issue is that a guy usually doesn’t make a huge deal when a woman doesn’t understand. He just takes it for what it is and keeps it moving. So bit by bit when he is bombarded about being stupid and not being able to read signs, the demotion process begins to speed up. And it’s kind of funny but the whole time a guy is being hammered with that, the woman that does the hammering is building the biggest relationship sign of them all… ‘absence’.

There is a way to be understood…explain yourself in clear terms. There is a way to understand…listen. The truth about it is, if you can do those two things then you will stay a Valentine.